


Wanting Her

by SwanQueenShipper07



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-06 03:05:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 42,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12808239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanQueenShipper07/pseuds/SwanQueenShipper07
Summary: Emma and Hook are now a happily married couple, well at least they are to everyone else. Stuck in a relationship with verbal, physical, sexual and emotional abuse, Emma has lost herself believing she is weak and unworthy of love from anyone. Despite still wanting love from Regina, who she has strong feelings for.Meanwhile Regina is trying to move past the feelings she discovered for Emma a little too late in her eyes. She is the first and one of the only people to notice Emma's behaviour and decides to investigate. Both women have exiled themselves from the world, can they save each other and act on their unspoken feelings at the same time?





	1. At the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I just wanted to tell you all a bit about this fanfic and about myself. So I am English but I'm setting the story in Storybrooke which of course is in America. I've tried to keep American spelling and language throughout the piece but sometimes things will be spelt in the or referred to in the English spelling/ way of talking.  
> With this take on SwanQueen, I'm trying to delve into something very deep and I would say that there will be a lot of trigger warnings throughout the following chapters. As explained in the summary, there are several types of abuse happening here. You may really hate the way I've manipulated the characters as well.  
> This story wasn't inspired by any story I've read, though I know there are some on here that cover this sort of thing. It's something I've wanted to write about for a while.  
> I will try to update this once a week, it is my first fanfic but I'm hoping to write between 35-40 chapters.  
> Any comments throughout the story would be greatly appreciated and taken in consideration. I really hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Warnings: Nice and easy to start with, a hint of masturbation and some past demons that created a few mental health problems.

**Regina’s point of view.**

_Once upon time there was an obstacle. An obstacle that caused me problem after problem, making my life a mess. People I loved turned away from me, not that there were many. People that feared me began to stand up to me and slowly I found myself with a ton of other obstacles. I watched as the world I had created and maintained for just under 28 years crumbled around me. The most painful of it all, was almost losing my son Henry. I had always loved him, but he was doubting that love. I assumed that I was simply repeating my parents’ mistakes._

_So, he went and stood by the obstacle, one that he had found to come and fight me. I was alone and hurt but I deserved it. For all of the mistakes I had made in the past, the horrible things I had done to people and my need for control and power had consumed everything. I was so self-absorbed that I didn’t even realise I was pushing my son away. The moment he left was the moment my heart broke. No, it wasn't, it was when I had tried to get rid of this permanent obstacle in my life and accidently put Henry in harm's way. He doesn't need to know, but I will never forgive myself for that. It was the second time my heart had broken, and yet it was more painful than the first.  I suppose because in the end, Henry meant more to me than Daniel, though Daniel meant a great deal. I spent hours crying myself to sleep for months, wishing I had done things differently. But even magic couldn’t change all the hurt I had caused._

_Then one day something very odd happened. The obstacle, now known as The Saviour, she stood by my side against all the people she had allied with. Stood with me against her parents, against her friends, but by our son who refused to believe that I was only pure evil. I owe him my life. I was utterly shell-shocked, though no one could tell. I had learnt how to conceal my emotions long before entering this realm, to anyone else I seemed ungrateful of their kindness. Henry and his mother didn't see me in that light; The Saviour changed minds…about me. I was hating her and grateful to her at the same time. I wanted to rip her heart out of her chest and say thank you all in one, since that was all the positivity I could muster at the time. I was still battling demons and there was so much hatred left to contend with, kindness wasn't on the spectrum of emotions that I had at the time._

_I realized that maybe if I tried to change, tried to fight my life-long demons, then I could get my life back, and so began the days of heroism. It helped that part of being a hero at the time meant that I was going to be helping to save Henry, by far the most important person in my life, but I also wanted to prove that I was going to try and be better for everyone. Even though many people were still against me, I eventually found that there were others willing to stand by my side. Henry and his mother, the first to accept me, as already stated. Along the way somehow even the Charming's decided I was worthy of their appreciation. The Saviour then became my friend. Miss Emma Swan, with long blonde hair that used to piss me off. I referred to her as ‘Miss Swan’, as I always had, never hinting to anyone that I thought she was really the saviour. She was certainly mine._

_Until I didn’t. Until I started referring to her as Emma, the playful 'Miss Swan' gradually dying away. Slowly Emma became a more prominent part of my life. She and our son had forgiven my past, despite her parents’ anger that continued to fester for me. I should have known they wouldn't truly accept me, but their appreciation was a start. Emma became a friend. I noticed much more about Emma as time continued to drool on. She had a certain confidence that intrigued me. Not only did she strip everything away from me at the beginning but she also gave it back, then invited me into her life to fight battles with her. We sure did fight, people from realms we hadn't even heard of, people too close to home for comfort, people I still didn't trust. Rich of me._

_I soon found myself in a difficult situation with feelings that I couldn’t place. I was dating Robin and though I had strong feelings for him, they didn’t compare to what I felt for Emma. It seemed she didn’t feel the same though, she had started dating Captain Hook and it was hard to watch the look in her eyes when they glanced in his direction. I had no chance. Besides, what I had with Robin was a good thing, familiar, close to what I had with Daniel. He has all of these different attributes: loving, kind, strong, brave, a true believer in me. They attracted me to him. All of these reminded me of Emma. The difference was I was only in love with one of them._

_Another year passed, and another heartbreak followed. Robin was stolen from me. It's true that I didn't love him romantically, but he was still my closest friend and I cared about him dearly. I started to fall into a deep depression, avoiding leaving the house, crying a lot, trying to distance myself from the world. It was so appealing to just turn and run away, however I had never been one to take the easy road. If I had Storybrooke would never had existed. Thankfully Henry was by my side the whole time…as was Emma. They were forever pestering me and dragging me out of the house. Although I hated every minute of it, I realised I had begun to heal, unfortunately around the same time as Hook proposed to Emma. My heart broke...again. But I knew I couldn’t say anything._

_They married. They went to their honeymoon together and they came home again. Which brings us to now. It brings us to unspoken feelings and continuously shattered hearts...or heart, I suppose. Maybe one day I’ll be able to confess my feelings to Emma, but it won’t be today._

I put the small book in the cabinet beside my bed, closed the door and waved my hand slowly over the wood to seal it, making it look like a simple nightstand. I may be a hero in most people's eyes now, but no one was going to find out that I have a diary. I was thankful for my silk green night gown, courtesy of Zelena. It gave me the comfort I needed and I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped two olive skin coloured arms around them. My entire diary was basically filled with thoughts of Emma, my thoughts in the day were also clouded with her, obviously. All of the things I could’ve, maybe should’ve done differently. No. It wasn’t should’ve. I wasn’t going to ruin Emma’s happiness for my own…ironically.

I lay down on my king-sized bed, my knees still drawn close to my chest. It was too big for one person but until I had someone to share it with, I guess it would belong to me only. The duvet was a deep, rich red which contrasted well with the dark brown wooden posts at each corner of the bed. It was comfortable, it always has been, but insomnia had decided that it would reveal its’ presence tonight. I didn’t want to think about her again so I tried to focus on more important things, things that would need to be done the following day. Eventually though, as always, my mind drifted to Emma. Emma beside me, Emma on top of me, underneath me. Her lips pressed against mine, my hands tangled up in that long hair, her soft skin grazing my own. Green eyes staring intently at me, a small smile tugging at the edges of her mouth as her hands drifted over my body, exploring parts of me that even Daniel couldn’t connect to.

I realized that the thoughts along with my hand, that I hadn’t realized had made its’ way to where it was, had done their job. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up before laying on my side under the duvet again, praying that after such unexpected excitement, I would finally be able to sleep. Again though, intrusive thoughts of Emma invaded my mind and again I was forced to face up to my most recent regrets.

There were so many times that I could've said something. The time we took Henry to go see that awful movie together, I refused to see any other movie after that… Or the time we bumped into each other at the library until Belle had gotten in the way and wanted to talk to Emma, or the time we had dinner at Granny’s to catch up. If only I would’ve said ‘Emma, there’s something I need to say…’ At least that would’ve been a start. But even then, where would I have gone after that? ‘Emma, I don’t really know what it is I’m trying to say, but I find you absolutely gorgeous and I think about kissing those lips of yours every night… I think about kissing other parts of you all the time too but that probably isn’t appropriate past the age of twenty…’

I rolled on to my back and sighed. Closing my eyes, I tried to force back the stray tear that had dripped down to the corner of my mouth. I should have told Emma sooner that I had feelings for her…except I couldn’t because I didn’t understand what they were until she and Hook were well into their relationship. All of those times I could have told her I probably would have, had she not have been dating Killian at the time.

Emma is happy now. She has a husband, who she loves dearly from what I gather, and she lives in a nice house with him and soon she’ll probably be having children with him. The thought disgusted me, I found a frown forming on my lips. She wouldn’t want me even if I did go after her. Why would she want me when she has all of that to go home to? What if I told her how I feel, and she turned her back on me? I would be losing the only friend I had ever wanted or truly had, though recently it felt like I had already lost her anyway. What if she didn’t turn me away? That just made things more complicated. This is just another scenario when everyone else is better than me.

I turned over again. Even if Emma was into me, which I highly doubt, how would we explain everything to everyone? Emma decided that she didn’t really love Killian, despite marrying him and living with him, instead she would like to date me for a while. No not for a while, I had already lost one love, I wouldn't lose another. Henry will finally have two parents in the same household and we could probably be happy, which was a big positive, despite the thought of trying to explain to him would be...interesting at least. ‘Yes Snow, I am dating your daughter, are you going to try and stop me?’, ‘No we didn’t sleep together while the two of you were in a relationship, Killian. Don’t worry, you can keep your pride,’

That was another thing, why, out everyone she could’ve picked, did she pick that filthy, slang-speaking, slouching pirate? He’s so unintelligent and unromantic and unworthy of her. Not that I was any of those things. Every time a plan is presented he has to pipe up with some imaginary reason that would impact on the plan negatively. A lot of the time he would come up with excuses that meant that Emma would have no action in the plan either. It got to me. Not only was he treating her like a fragile fucking doll, but he was taking her further away from me! Work was one of the only chances we had to spend time together and although I would like her to be my girlfriend, she is my friend first. I miss her.

Hook seems to have won though. I barely see Emma anymore. None of us do. She went from being the heroine and socialite of the town to an almost retired sheriff/shitty housewife from lack of action in the field. My mouth turned downward at that. Emma was good at her job, she didn’t need anyone to tell her what to do. It baffled me that she let him just boss her around so easily.

There’s no denying that there must be something special about the man though, at least in her eyes. Maybe he was indeed a secret romantic who whisked her away to far away seas on his ship without the rest of us getting to know about it, or maybe it was the fact that, though to my dismay, Henry adored his new step dad. Or maybe he was good in bed. Whatever it was it made Emma happy.

I rolled over for what I decided would be the final time. Tossing and turning and thinking about Emma wouldn’t help me get to sleep. The digital clock on the bedside table shone brightly into my eyes. 1:30 am. I sighed. _Time to sleep Regina, tomorrow will be better._ Hopefully.

Emma is married, Emma is happy.

But that wouldn’t stop me from thinking about her.


	2. Another bruise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied guys, I'm gonna post up twice maybe three times a week cause otherwise the whole story won't be on here for ages.  
> Trigger Warnings: Physical and Emotional abuse along with some mental health issues. There is graphic violence in this scene and it goes very deep (in my opinion at least).  
> If you're a fan of Hook or CaptainSwan, I advise you stop reading here.  
> I hope you enjoy, any comments welcomed.

**Emma’s point of view.**

Friday night was always difficult. But then, so was every night now, unless Henry was staying over. It was nearing on 11pm and I was thankful that he was sleeping at his grandparents’ place. I knew Hook would never do anything in front of Henry, our lives would simply be that much more complicated if he did. I was glad for the most part because if he did, Henry would see me for how weak I am, I never want that. However, the more I wished that Henry would stay over more, the more he wanted to give us time to ‘be happy’. I doubt it was my happiness he was staying away from me for, but it was sweet that he pretended to care about it. He should’ve known that he consisted of my happiness anyway. Even with a new man, the picture wouldn’t be complete without him here. If he even wanted to be a part of the picture.

I thought that Hook was someone he wasn’t. I thought he was kind, caring, a gentleman. As did everyone else. We couldn’t have been further from the truth. Everybody watched as he flirted and swooned his way into my life, making himself a love interest that I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge at the time. Everyone watched as he treated me like a princess and protected me from everything and everyone. Now he was the one causing the harm. I look back on those days of 'protection' and see control. He entered our lives as a villain, but unlike Regina or Zelena, he hadn’t switched his ways to be good. He had deceived everyone into believing that he had, now I would have to pay the price.

I felt guilty thinking that. Hook was a good man, I loved him immensely. He was just trying to show me where I was going wrong in life, where I was proving myself to be weak, it just seems like I’m going wrong with everything I do. When I’m lying in bed awake at night, as I do more often than not, I try to think about ways that I can do better tomorrow. How can I please everyone around me? How do I make them proud of me? No use came from it. I would always be that girl with the troubled past that everyone felt like they needed to take care of because it made me vulnerable and weak. I hate referring to myself in that way, but it’s true. I thought I had gotten stronger as the years went by, I thought as an adult, I was better, braver. Coming to Storybrooke made me feel even stronger. Turns out I'm just the scared little girl I've always been.

Wincing, I tried to wipe away more of the dried blood. There were thick clumps close to the wound, the blood that had ran down my face was thin and cleaned easily. The gash was on top of my head where I had hit the corner of the kitchen table after Hook had pushed me too hard making me lose my balance. My mind wondered back to when everything was simple, a good distraction from the pain. Simple when Henry was only a small boy trying to convince me that Mary Margaret was my mother, who was also Snow White…apparently. I smiled weakly at the memory, instantly wishing that I hadn’t.

Hook was staring at me in the bathroom mirror. His eyes roamed over me, admiring the new temporary art work he had created. When Henry was out of the house, since he was the only person who came over anymore, I was required to remain nude, no matter what season or temperature it was. At first I thought it was because he liked to see me like this sexually, but he tended to stare more at his own markings than my body itself. _Just another time when you’re not good enough._ He smiled, I choked back vomit. When he sees me smiling, regardless of the reason - not that he bothers to ask, he thinks I need to be more serious and it usually gets a lot worse. I need to be serious about changing the way I am if I want people to take me seriously, see me as strong. That meant no smiling or laughing, or positive emotions in any way. Barring Henry. Hook would tell me to ‘be good’ and I knew that meant act, act like the weak Emma who was willing to just have fun at the expense of anything. It brought back memories of Neal and I, particularly when we stole those watches. Henry didn’t need to see the process of me getting stronger. The dark intention was still in Hook's eyes and I wondered if putting me in a coma would satisfy him. Slowly he stalked away, fully dressed.

I thought about leaving him sometimes, but in the end where would that get me? I would end up a paranoid mess, forever trying to find him and see who he had moved on to. Someone stronger and braver, like Milah had been. No! He is my love, and no one can take him from me! Besides, my parents adored him, they thought we were the perfect match and I really didn’t want to disappoint them more than I already had. As for Henry, well Henry thought he finally had a Dad in a sense. At first, he didn’t like Hook but after a while he started to grow fond of him and now they hung out like best friends whenever he came over. How could I take his Dad away from him? I couldn’t. He had already lost Neal, he wouldn’t lose anyone else... My heart pulsed loudly at the thought of Neal again, still missing him even now.

Again, my mind drifted back towards my parents. What would they think of me, seeing me as weak as I am now? Hook had repeated over and over how disappointed in me everyone was for various reasons. A slap around the face accompanied with ‘You were never a good enough parent for Henry. You gave him up for Christ’s sake! Won’t be long before he gives you up’. A punch to the gut, ‘Belle and Ruby never had any friends in the first place. Not like it was difficult for them to accept you was it? You’re outcasts. But you won’t be spending much time with them anymore anyway.’ The problem was, he was right. I was all of those things, I punished myself everyday for not being better. 

My parents resented me because I could never be as strong or courageous as they were. I wish I was, by god do I. I was always thinking of ways to make them proud of me, make them want me. If I was stronger maybe I’d be with the person that I wanted to be with now. She may not tell me the truth about how people really see me, but I know she would at least pretend to love me. That would be enough. If only she wanted me. I knew she never would. I pushed myself to think of my parents again, ignoring the inner pain caused from thinking of  _her._ My parents always hid their disapproval under tight hugs and kind eyes, but I knew the truth now. I knew I deserved this. I had disappointed them, and everyone else.

I glanced at my stomach and winced again realizing the dark colouring had spread. My ribs pressed on them every time I drew breath and released it. The pain, a constant reminder of all the things I had done wrong. I was beaten tonight because I’d forgotten to buy Hook’s rum on the way home from work. Ironic that I work in a police station, but I can’t save myself from crimes within my own home. Despite knowing that he had the best intentions for me, any other man beating his wife would be classed as domestic violence, that's how Dad would be forced to handle it should he find out. I knew this but never saw us that way. No, Hook was helping me get better. The rum wasn't really a big deal as he wasn’t a massive drinker, but when he did he drank a lot. I was punished for forgetting about something he had told me to get. His drinking would always have repercussions when he did it. Marrying him made me realize this, though when we were just dating, there was no hint of his bad behaviour post alcohol.

I wanted Regina. Before I met Hook, I wanted Regina, in case that wasn't obvious. She always wanted to take my heart and she had, it just wasn’t physically in her hand therefore she never knew she had it. I still want Regina, if I'm honest she still has my heart despite my love for Hook. But I’m married, and I don’t want to disappoint my parents and I certainly don’t want to disappoint Henry, who, as already stated, adores my husband. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of ‘husband’. Husband meant forever. Besides, Hook seems to have figured out how I feel about her and always keeps an eye on me whenever I’m around her, even though she’s straight…I think. That didn’t stop me from thinking about her…all the time. Sometimes he will hit me just for looking at her. I don’t mean to do anything wrong but it seems to be all I can do. I should be fixated on my husband who I tell myself I love immensely... Why do I still want Regina?

I had spent too long in the bathroom, I could hear him snoring. I would be beaten for that tomorrow. I would probably be beaten for a cascade of other things too. I knew I deserved it, I was never any good at anything, I was nothing but a disappointment anymore. It hurt. I guess all of my foster parents were right all those years ago, I did need to be tamed.

Before going to bed I recorded my progress in my diary. This was the only thing that was mine, I talked about everything that I needed to overcome and everything I knew everyone was thinking about me. That way I would know how to respond if anyone tried to talk to me about it. The book was hidden beneath one of the floor boards in the living room, I was alone in the house more in the day than at night, so it was easier to keep it where I would most likely be. Hook was out like a light anyway, he wouldn’t wake up until morning now, making it easy for me to sneak down the stairs.

White paper and a black pen sat underneath brown floorboards at the edge of the room. Since I had been married to Hook and started this…treatment I suppose, I had been unable to use my magic. Hook had said it was because of my weakness which made sense. It meant that I couldn’t use magic to cover up my diary though, hence the broken floorboard. I began scribbling notes down about what we had covered over the past few days, Mum and Dad, Ruby and Belle, Henry, their hidden disappointment, nothing I hadn't written down before. But I was caught off-guard when Regina’s face clouded my thoughts. There was a special goal I had for Regina: to get over Regina. _She didn’t want you, she never has and she never will so stop fucking with these thoughts Emma. Don’t you have a husband to be faithful to?_

Yes.

I wrote down notes in the back of the book about how I felt about her and how I would get over her before flipping back to the front of the book to finish my notes. Hook never spoke about my disappointing Regina, I guess he didn’t think she was that important to me. She shouldn’t be. She is though. I finished writing and put the book away. I looked over at the clock, 1:30 am. How did it get so late? I needed to be at work for 8 am, not that that worried me. I had been kept up later in the past and still managed to struggle through the day.

My legs wobbled as they balanced the rest of me while walking up the stairs, in the bedroom and towards the bed. Gently I sat myself on the bed, then laid myself down and pulled the cover over me. My thin frame covered. Hook barely ever let me eat. I knew why, I would have weaker bones if I didn’t eat, easier to break, easier to remind me how much stronger I needed to be.

A tear ran down the side of my face before I quickly wiped it away. I deserved it. All of it. All those years in foster homes were returning to me. They were right. I was rebellious, I was weird and undeserving of love. I was unlovable and clearly nothing had changed. All these thoughts circled my head for the longest time. I couldn’t help one that wouldn’t dissipate though, one that I had tried to push away over and over again.

I wanted to be lying in bed with Regina.


	3. Noticeable changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback so far! I'm glad you guys are enjoying this. No warning for this chapter, it's gonna be pretty boring but necessary for the story. As always, any comments appreciated.

**Regina’s point of view.**

Saturday and Thursday, are my official days to have Henry, though he tends to come round whenever he pleases. I knew he was definitely going to be here this Saturday thankfully and not at Violet’s, I needed a distraction from the loneliness I was finding myself in on a daily basis. Though I anticipated Henry’s arrival with a great amount of enthusiasm, I couldn’t help but groan at the thought of having to have a conversation with his grandmother. Her squeaky voice and insistent refusal to be anything other than happy really made me want to ruin her life all over again. She actually did lead a life that consisted of sunshine and rainbows. Don’t get me wrong, we had put our differences behind us long ago, but it didn’t make the woman any less sufferable.

I began getting ready. The shower was warm but quick, managing to dry my hair in record breaking time. A dark purple silk blouse with gold buttons stood out from the rest of my tops in the walk in closet, a black pencil skirt paired with it perfectly. I decided black heels would translate my current mood, my feet sliding into them comfortably. Until I remembered that winter was well and truly upon us, so I took off the heels and replaced them with black tights before slipping my feet back into them. _No sunshine today Miss Charming_. I straightened my hair and curled it in slightly at the end which reached my shoulders, the way I usually styled it. Finally, after covering the imperfections of my skin in my face along with colouring my cheeks, I painted my eyes with dark browns and blacks that suited my skin colour, choosing a deep red lipstick to finalize the look.

I looked at myself in the mirror for the longest moment, imagining blonde hair draped across my left shoulder as Emma’s head rested on it. Her arms wrapped around my waist in a loose hold, her smile boring into my soul, creating happiness I hadn't felt in a long time. I caressed the side of her face and smiled. It was so clear it could’ve been a memory to anyone who didn’t know the truth. Slowly the mirror transformed, and I was replaced with Hook. I saw the same scene, but she was with him. Holding him. Smiling at him. That’s the way it is now, the way it should be…maybe. He made her happy.

I made my way down the white marble staircase towards the front door. Emma’s face was running laps around my head again, the ordeal was becoming a daily habit. I rolled my eyes. _For goodness sake Regina, you can’t have her! Move on!_ It’s not as easy as that though is it? It was never as easy as that with Daniel. I was stuck in a world of hatred and pain for years, aiming most of that at Snow. It’s been over a year and a half since I realized how I felt about Emma and around about 10 months since she’s been married to Hook, yet I still want Emma in my arms. I wonder if I will ever stop thinking about her... I try to stop thinking about her I really do, but she’s like a damn yoyo, she keeps coming back! I just wish she would come back to me in reality, not only in my mind.

I was going to check for any mail but the moment I reached the ground floor there was knocking from the outside. I opened it almost instantly with a smile that I couldn’t hold off. Henry, my 15-year-old embraced me within seconds.

"Hi Mom," 

I wrapped my arms around my son and held him close to me. He’s so important to me and I want him to know that, especially after he went and found Emma because he thought that I didn’t love him. Not that I’m saying that he should regret doing that. We both seem to have benefitted from his adventures.

"Henry, it’s so good to see you!" I held his face in my hands squeezing his cheeks together slightly. He smiled, it was one of the only sights that made me happy anymore. Perhaps that was why I liked Emma’s smile so much, our son had followed in her footsteps, with regards to genetics at least. _Our_ son. My heart melted every time I thought of him as ours. Sometimes I could even pretend we were actually in a relationship when I thought of us in that context.

"Regina!" I rolled my eyes, Henry grinned and I tried hard to fake a smile as Snow walked up to where we were standing.

"Nice to see you Snow," She showed a full set of perfect gleaming white teeth as her eyes squinted into an over-sized smile. I cringed inwardly.

"I just wanted to see how you’re holding up. I haven’t seen you around lately, are you okay?" The concern in her eyes was genuine and I was grateful that she cared, despite the annoying tone in which she asked. Another part of me was wishing everyone would stop fussing over nothing. I only wanted to wallow in self-pity for the rest of my life, avoiding any form of social contact, as Emma continued her relationship with the pirate that had been going on for over a year, was that too much to ask?

"I’ve just been busy with work, you know. Trying to keep on top of everything. Please, don’t worry about me," 

"If you’re sure. Don’t hesitate to come by if you ever feel like you need to. David and I will always have our door open for you," 

"Thank you Snow, really, it means a lot," It did. I would never take the offer though, it was too weird spending time with the Charmings after the history between us. That, and I doubt I would be able to keep the blush away whenever they mentioned Emma's name. 

She smiled kindly, but concern still laced her gaze at me. She turned to Henry then, giving him a quick a hug accompanied with a kiss on the forehead.

"See you soon, okay?" 

"See you soon, love you," 

"I love you too Henry,"

With that the door closed leaving Henry standing in front of me with a smile spreading slowly across his face. I narrowed my eyes and smiled slightly back at him before he went in search of food.

"How have you been Mom?" He called from the kitchen a moment later. I let my feet travel towards the sound of his voice and lingered in the doorway. He was rooting through one of the top cupboards on the left-hand side of the kitchen.

"Oh, you know, busy," I kept my reply short, trying to focus more on his life which also made me forcibly avoid spilling my obsession with Emma.

"And yourself?"

"Also busy. Violet wants me to go over for dinner with her Dad tomorrow and I’ve been trying to pick out something to wear,"

I smiled, feigning happiness towards him but inwardly I was afraid that this girl would end up hurting my son. She was sweet, kind, pretty… But she was too much of those things and I knew that she could easily break Henry’s heart if she wanted to, many boys could attract her attention if she allowed them to, not that she could choose any better than the 15-year-old who was avidly becoming one with the cupboard. She had hurt Henry before, not by choice, of course that was Emma trying to fix her problems in the wrong way, like I used to. I was glad Henry couldn't see me stupidly grinning at the thought of Emma. The grin soon changed to a frown however. What hurt the most was the fact that I couldn’t do anything about Violet. Henry would never let me interfere with her even if they did break up. I wasn’t even allowed to _threaten_ to her crush her heart.

He was about to say something else when his phone started ringing and I rolled my eyes thinking it would be Snow, telling him he’d left something at her place again, or Violet asking him to come over today. Although Henry loved me very much, I knew that he would ditch me to hang out with his girlfriend. The frown etched across my face changed immediately when I heard him say ‘Hi Mam’ down the phone. My heart suddenly filled with warmth as it began beating twice as fast.

_Calm down Regina. She’s calling her son, not you._

I couldn’t help the feeling though. Every time Emma’s name was mentioned I found myself in a jittering mess. I was shaking with joy, which I didn’t even know was possible and butterflies started making themselves known in my stomach. I couldn’t help the wide-eyed smile I gave the profile of my son’s face, though again I was glad he couldn't see it.

"Erm, I don’t know Mam, I thought I was supposed to be staying with Mom tonight…" I waved frantically at Henry as he glanced over, frowned, and told Emma to hang on for a minute.

"If she wants you to go over tonight, it’s okay. You can spend Tuesday night with me instead. I kind of have to work tonight anyway," I tried to lie quietly but I knew Emma could hear me on the other end as she began to protest. I took the phone from Henry and turned my back to him, so he couldn’t see my delight at talking to his biological mother. Seconds later he had returned to his place in the cupboard anyway. What was he even looking for?

"Emma please, don’t worry it’s fine. I can take him on Tuesday so you and Ho- Killian can have a romantic night in together," I had forgotten that I was pretending to like Hook for Emma’s sake, therefore trying to call him Killian. I hurt myself by saying she and her husband could have a romantic night together, wishing that I was inviting her over for a romantic night with me instead.

I heard her sigh, it caught my attention but she continued before I had chance to speak.

"Thanks Regina, it really would be great for me to see him tonight," there was a sad undertone to her voice that got me worried. I strolled towards the hallway, hoping Henry would continue climbing into Narnia through my cupboards.

"Is everything okay Emma? You sound a little…" I didn’t want to say it. If I said it wouldn’t be able to hide the delight in my voice as I hoped things would go wrong between the newlyweds. I couldn’t do that to Emma. I cared about her and her happiness. Hook made her happy.

_You don’t care about it that much._

"Don’t worry Regina everything is okay. I’m sorry to cut it short but I have to do some things before Henry comes over later so would it be okay if we spoke another time?"

"Yes, of course dear," I hoped the hurt in my voice wasn’t too obvious.

"Okay Regina, thank you. I’ll talk to you soon," The line went dead before I had chance to reply and I realized that the whole conversation sounded rushed, particularly the last few sentences. I began to panic, thinking that she didn’t want to be around me anymore. I had to collect myself quickly though as Henry strolled towards me, wanting an apple pie conveniently, after relinquishing his unsuccessful quest for any chocolate. Why does he think I keep chocolate? 

Henry went off upstairs to do some reading quietly for school and I started baking, allowing my mind to drift. I genuinely did hope that everything was okay with Emma… I’d have to talk to her at some point and hopefully torture the truth out of her. I smiled at the interesting ways I wanted to torture her, though I must admit that most of them were sexual.


	4. Henry's protection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support so far! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It is slightly shorter than my previous chapters, which are already short, but I might go back and add to it later.  
> Warnings: Mental, physical abuse. Slightly graphic.  
> Any comments appreciated.

**Emma’s point of view.**

It was yet another dull day at the station consisting of Dad and me writing up minor offences. Storybrooke was a wonderful place to live, too wonderful. Nothing ever happened. It left me and Dad sitting around completing paperwork and making idle chit chat on a daily basis. Nothing criminally offensive ever happened, so far as we knew, and Hook had stopped me from participating in any fights against evil a while ago. My head was pulsating from the headache caused by my most recent injury. There was no bruising across my forehead which made me lucky, I'd had to cover up before. I tried to keep the noise level to a minimal, claiming to Dad that I wanted to concentrate. He didn’t notice anything odd about my behaviour and it brought me back to remembering that he probably didn’t notice because I was always this weak or boring.

Eventually, after a long 8 hours of self-torture, Dad walked me to my car – because I was too weak to even get that far without accompaniment these days. The gravel beneath our feet darkened from the earlier downpour, I noticed because I kept my face downcast to the floor, condensation floating steadily from my mouth as I painfully exhaled. The dark clouds covering the even darker sky, threating another ‘shower’ as the weather man put it. Before I got in Dad turned me around and hugged me tightly, it took all of my power not to push away from the ever-growing pressure and pain on my ribs.

"I love you Emma," his voice brushed against my ear.

"Love you too Dad," He retracted and waved. A sign that he would see me tomorrow…if Hook didn’t kill me first. The bruises scattered across my body from last night were holding no prisoners, I winced every time I had to use a muscle beneath one of them. I was terrified of what would happen to me tonight, how would he punish me further for not doing as he wished yesterday? My eyebrows furrowed, the engine roared too loudly, transmitting my frustration for everyone to hear.  Then I remembered that we had Henry tonight. I smiled with releif before becoming extremely guilty. I was using my son to get out of punishment. That must be considered terrible parenting. I drove to Regina’s to pick him up anyway.

Henry answered the door almost immediately. He was excited to see me but also confused, evidently as it wasn't his night with me. He thought I would want Hook to myself, maybe I would if he wasn’t treating me this way. Despite the fact I knew I deserved it, I still didn’t want it. Besides, even if Hook and I were perfectly happy, I’d still need my weekly dose of Henry.

"Ready to go kid?" I smiled warmly, genuinely pleased to see him again.

"Sure, just let me say bye to Mom first, and grab my bag," Regina appeared behind him just as he went off to find said bag, leaving me to melt into a puddle at the sight of Regina. Dark brown eyes gazed at me, for a split second I thought they could’ve dropped to my lips. My momentary excitement was quickly diminished when I put the hallucination down to trickery of the mind.

"Hi Emma," her gaze lingered at me. Those dark brown eyes reaching into my soul and pulling at my heart strings. I loved the way she said my name, sometimes I'd spend hours with it going around my mind, a broken record of sorts. I found myself gazing at her and knew if I stayed here any longer, I wouldn’t leave all night. The question was not whether I wanted to stay, more whether she would want me to stay. I already knew the answer.

"Hey Regina," I smiled.

She looked at me for the longest moment, her small smile failing to hide the sadness in her eyes. I wondered what was wrong. My thoughts were rudely interrupted by Henry appearing at the doorway again with his backpack on tow. He was clearly ready to go…I wasn’t.

"See you soon Mom, I love you," Henry and Regina embraced, and I longed to be in both of their positions. I could only ask one of them for a hug though, sadly. But then again, maybe I didn’t want to be where they stood. It would only hurt me to feel that affection, physically and emotionally. That was yet another reason Hook hit me in the places that he did, any form of affection would be accompanied with pain, disarming the effect that affection provided.

She let him go, then looked at me again. I wished I could have kissed her, passionately, urgently, right there on her doorstep...but some fantasies must stay as they are. I smiled then turned, unable to continue staring, Henry mirrored my movements. I felt her gaze on us as we walked towards the car. For some reason I found myself thinking she was paying more attention to me but as I turned around I realized the door was closed. I sighed and got in the bug.

When we got back to the house I took my time making my way in whilst Henry bolted through the front door into the living room to find Hook. It was hard watching him do that, knowing it was me he was disappointed in. I just wished that Hook had been wrong about everyone, but he hadn’t.

The front door closed behind me, the sound of Forza 5 rang into my ears from the living room. Henry must be trying to teach Hook how to play x-box again. I went straight to the kitchen and started getting out the ingredients for tonight’s dinner attempting to avoid any contact with my husband.

My hopes evidently crashed and burned as, it wasn’t long before I felt a rough hand grip my shoulder a little too firmly. I didn’t turn around, I didn’t need to. It certainly wasn't going to be Henry, and I'd know where this feeling came from no matter who was around. Hook would put on his sweet voice to convince Henry, who would probably be listening in on the conversation, that everything was ok. We were just a normal happy couple who engaged in the wrong sort of physical activity.

"Hiya love. I was just thinking about what a surprise it is that Henry is here," The underlaying tone created waves of nausea and fear.

"I know, it’s lovely to have him around isn’t it," I was trying to convince both myself, and Hook that this wasn’t planned, the stammer in my voice doing nothing to help the situation. Not only did I fail my own belief, but also Hook’s. His grip tightened around my shoulder and I felt his short nails dig into my collar bone. He leaned in close behind me, it looked loving, sensual, maybe even protective from the outside. I knew differently.

"You’ll pay for this later Swan," The anger was harsh enough to make me freeze in my position, despite barely being louder than a whisper. How can a whisper feel much more of a threat than a shout did? I fought back tears and tried desperately to swallow the lump in my throat. He walked back into the living room and sat near Henry. I could hear the two of them enjoying themselves, breaking my weak heart.

When he said _later_ did he mean later tonight? Did he mean while Henry was here? Would I have to be silent, so Henry didn’t hear me? So he didn’t see me become the mother I was once was...am? He wouldn’t want me if he saw me like that. He’d know I couldn’t take care of him anymore and he’d leave and go and tell everyone. Could I blame him? No. I deserved all of this. God how did I get like this? I used to be so confident and sure of myself and now… I guess the truth really did hurt.

Later in the evening Henry announced he was going to bed so he could be up early to get ready the following day. He had a date with Violet at her house, her Dad was going to cook Sunday roast for them. I was ecstatic for him and his girlfriend and told him to get his beauty sleep, hoping that nothing negative would follow. For the second time that night, I was let down. As soon as he left the room the tension thickened.

Hook withdrew his arm from around my shoulder and entwined his fingers into mine. _Oh. Maybe this isn't as bad as I thought it would be._ He was holding on tightly, too tightly and soon I felt my hand shaking. My fingers were being pushed apart and it hurt. It hurt like hell.

"Killian please, not tonight," I struggled to say beneath restrained tears. He laughed.

"I knew your plan all the way along Swan. Did you think I didn’t hear you on the phone to your whore girlfriend?" Panic rose in me as my eyes widened at the TV. Could he read my thoughts now as well? I felt an odd sense of anger rip through me when I remembered he'd called her a whore. Don't call her that. She wasn’t my girlfriend but by god do I wish she was. Regina would sometimes flicker into my mind as a sort of safe haven when I was at home. My eyes were leaking, I couldn’t stop the tears. I couldn't stop hearing Regina call my name either.

_Weak._

"You’ll learn not to invite the boy round when it’s not his night. You wanted to get out of your punishment, you’re weak. You’re not worthy of being his mother," I felt his grip tighten further as my hand went numb. His voice rose and fell in dynamics, but was mostly quiet to keep from prying ears.

"This is what happens when you disobey me," I watched him snarling into my face, his breath hot on my cheek as his grip tightened too hard and I felt my smallest finger snap. I cried out but was quickly quietened by his handkerchief shoved into my mouth.

"Wouldn’t want the boy to hear now would we Swan?" My tears were free flowing. Hook let go of my hand and stood up. "I’m going to bed now. I want you up there in 5 minutes." With that he stalked away. I cried hard for a literal minute then went to the kitchen to find something to bind my fingers together with. Satisfied with the medical tape around my fingers I hurried upstairs, reeling over the thought that Henry’s presence couldn’t protect me anymore.


	5. Giddy feeling.

**Regina’s point of view.**

It was Tuesday. I always spent my lunch with Zelena at Granny’s Diner on Tuesdays. It was lovely to see her and catch up every week, but I had never really spoken to her about what I really wanted, no needed to. The time would be wrong or another conversation topic would distract me… I knew it was just because I was nervous of what she would say though. Zelena could be difficult at times, she wasn’t a massive fan of Emma and I worried about what kind of advice she would give me. Nevertheless, it was time I spoke to someone, if I can’t trust my sister – who I didn’t know about until around 4 years ago – then who could I trust? Today, I decided would be the day that I would tell her about my feelings for Emma. Hopefully she can tell me how to cope with them and I can end this repetitive cycle of self-torture.

I went for dark make up partnered with the usual styling of my hair. Today I felt like red, a figure clinging red lace dress hung in the wardrobe before clinging to me. Black tights neatly covered my legs and long heeled black boots covered the tights. I thought red was how I felt, but maybe I was lying to myself as I realized I was covering the dress with a long black coat. I looked remotely the same as always. I picked up a red handbag from my closet, filling it with essentials for the day then locked the manor up and headed towards my car.

My car needed new tires, I realised as I got into the vehicle and began driving through the rain towards town. I don’t know why I did it or what I was trying to get out of it, but before I knew it I was pulling up outside the police station. I tried not to be too obvious with the gazing, it was hard when I could see her right in the window though. Her hair was draped down the side of her face as she concentrated on the paper on the desk. She always hated the write ups. David was across the desk from her, mirroring her actions. She looked tired, her face pale, thin and worn. I’m sure if I could’ve seen her eyes they would’ve been drooped with bags underneath, similar to how they were on Saturday. I wondered what was causing that… Despite the lack of sleep Emma was getting, she still looked like an angel come down from heaven to save me…or a saviour. I smiled sadly, wishing things would be different between us before turning the engine back on and focusing my eyes on the road to drive to Granny’s.

We sat next to the window, reminding me of how Emma was also sitting next to the window at work. Zelena began chatting about how her week had been so far, her hand always on Robyn’s baby green stroller, slowly rocking her backwards and forwards. Her weeks were similar, she made parenthood seem boring, though I remember it being very different with Henry. The events outside of the window had quickly caught my interest. Though I attempted to listen to yet another story about Robyn and the cat Zelena had just invested in, I kept glancing out to see what was happening. Zelena wasn’t blind eventually asking me what had caught my attention.

“Do you think they’ll call David or Emma to sort out that fight?”

“Who cares?” She frowned, examining me like an exotic animal she hadn’t yet come across.

“Just wondering,” I had no interest in who had the bloodier nose between the dwarfs, but any chance to catch a glimpse of Emma was welcomed.

“Is there something wrong, sis?”

I didn’t reply immediately. The fact that Zelena was never a fan of Emma made approaching this conversation a difficult task. There was also the fact that despite Zelena never really enjoying gossip so per say, if a situation arose and she had to defend herself or Robyn, she would use secrets to do just that. I couldn’t have anyone finding out about my feelings towards her. A lot of people could easily turn away from me for that…Emma of course being the person I worried most about.

“Zelena I need to talk to you about something and I don’t want you to be angry at me and you can’t say anything to _anyone_ ,” A bewildered looking Zelena nodded at me to continue. _Good start Regina_.

“I have feelings for Emma Swan…well Jones I guess, and I need advice with disposing of them,” I closed my eyes, turning away from her, back to the window where to my disappointment, only David was sorting out. My intrigue at her reaction was too strong to fight off though, my eyes opened and returned to face my sister. Zelena clearly hadn’t been expecting this. She looked hard at me for a moment longer, I couldn’t read what she was thinking until she grinned, baring a set of very different bright white teeth to the ones that Snow had given a few days prior.

“My sister likes the saviour!” She said it way too loud for my comfort and I glared at her in a warning to lower her voice. I hoped to god Granny or Ruby didn’t hear that. “Way to go sis!”

“Yes, Zelena, I do. But she’s not only in love with someone else, she’s married to him!” I hissed at her, despite inwardly being very excited at her positive reaction.

“Did that stop you before?” She stopped me dead in my tracks. No, nothing would have ever stopped me before. Or nothing would have ever stopped the Evil Queen. But she and I were apart now, I am Regina Mills, unfortunately no longer a home-wrecker. However, Zelena was still right, a small temptation pulling me away from being good and I shook my head slowly.

“So what’s stopping you now?” Jesus, the Cheshire Cat had nothing on this woman.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just—" I spotted Ruby from the corner of my eye staring straight at us. She was trying to make it unobvious but failing dismally. I watched intently as she continued cleaning the table she was tending to, she continued looking up every few seconds. Zelena realised why I had stopped talking and scowled in the wolf’s direction. Ruby, true to her cover, pretended not to notice but the sting was clear as hatred started building up in the expression on her face.

“I think it’s time you got Robyn into bed, she looks as though she could use a nap,” I nodded towards my niece. Zelena sighed but nodded.

“Guess I’ll see you next week sis. Let me know when you decide to cause trouble, yeah?” she winked at me. “Better yet, let me join in on the fun!” With that she waved goodbye and pushed Robyn out of the diner. I still had half of my hot chocolate left so I decided to stay put, keeping an eye on Red Riding Hood who was edging her way closer to my table.

My hot chocolate was drained soon after but just as I was getting ready to leave, Ruby found the diner somewhat empty and decided to sit opposite from me. She looked at me with quizzical but sympathetic eyes which made me question what I’d said to make her feel that way. We sat in silence for a few more moments, my eyes never leaving her, before Ruby couldn’t take it anymore.

“So, you got feelings for Emma?” It was asked in such a conversational tone I could barely muster up the words to reply with. I had spent over half an hour desperately hoping that she hadn’t heard Zelena earlier, but then I don’t think I recognise any deaf people dining or waiting today. Zelena would pay for that later. I stalled, not knowing how to reply. Thankfully Ruby’s instincts kicked in and she carried on talking.

“I think it’s cute. I don’t know how Emma would take it right now though…” Her mind seemed to drift into a daze. “What do you mean you don’t know or right now? She’s married the man of her dreams! She’s happy and she’s not even going to want to hear what I have to say now, or ever. Marriage means forever, Miss Lucas,” I looked down, saddened by the truth in that statement.

“Eh, well there’s always trouble in paradise at some point. Belle and I have been a bit worried if I’m honest…Emma always said Killian would never get between the three of us but she hasn’t even called since they got back from their honeymoon.” She bit her bottom lip as her brow furrowed. Clearly this was troubling her.

“Is that worrying you?” No verbal reply but her facial expression said it all.

“Emma hasn’t contacted me either. I’m not sure whether that’s something I should be worried about but it’s certainly a change between before she went away.” Ruby nodded slowly. I realized that these were pieces of the puzzle neither of us could figure out. Emma’s behaviour, Emma’s tiredness, her lack of contact… I wanted to learn more but I also had to go and get Henry from school.

“Miss Lucas, I think that we should keep each other updated on this. If something is really going on then maybe we can help in some way… For now, though,” I stood up, “I must pick up Henry. But you know where to find me if anything else…comes up.” She nodded. I began to walk away before stopping and turning back to Ruby.

“And Miss Lucas,” She looked up at me, “Don’t tell Snow about this. She’ll only pry into Emma’s life more and put more pressure on her to talk about things. We both know Emma would rather run than face up to what she has to.” She looked me in the eye, nodding, clearly in agreement with me. _Good_.

“I’d also appreciate it if you kept a lid on what you heard Zelena say earlier,” I looked at my feet, somewhat embarrassed of my oddly timed obsession with Emma.

“Regina, I think that your feelings for Emma are something that should be spoken out. If our suspicions are right, she’ll need someone to lean on during these tough times and she’ll hopefully take it as a friendly gesture, especially with Belle being a mother now and Dorothy…”

“Ruby,” I leant down, looking directly into her eyes. “Please, don’t tell anyone,” She looked at the table sadly before returning her gaze to me. My plea was granted. She smiled a small smile and nodded. I turned away, listening to the sound of my heels clattering against the floor as I realized that I was more confused now than I was when I entered the diner.

My drive to the school was long due to traffic, I was late to pick up Henry. I beeped at slow, hesitant or inconsistent drivers, wondering if their instructors had all been as inadequate. The only good thing about the traffic was that I got to stop outside the police station again. I found a mannequin, or she may as well have been since she hadn’t moved an inch since I saw her a hour or so ago. Emma always used to be so active, marriage made her lazy. Eventually the lines of cars let up and I ended up only being ten minutes late for Henry, but as I was driving up the road towards the front of the school, my son’s distraught face came into view.

_Maybe I will get to rip Violet’s heart out after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far? Any feedback appreciated.


	6. Something's wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, short chapter today. See end of chapter for notes.

**Henry’s point of view.**

Violet had asked me to come over tonight so we could start on the group project for History, and maybe do some other stuff too which she wiggled her eyebrows at when she said it. The offer was tempting, I really wanted to, Violet had become such an important part of my life over the past few months. Not only was she the girl who had captured all of my feelings, but she was also my best friend, therapist, tormentor, mom…sometimes and my own personal saviour. Just like Mam was. Is. I went to her house as planned on Sunday, wearing a suit Mam had helped me pick out in the morning before she went to the station for work. Violet, her Dad and I all sat together eating and talking. It was nice and it was great to know that her Dad liked me, though before we went up to her room he did give me a few expected warnings. It went something along the lines of ‘Touch my daughter in any way I find inappropriate and I don’t care who your family are, I will rip your head off,’ I smiled on the way up the stairs, knowing that my girlfriend has such a protective and caring father. Violet will be as protected as possible as long as he was around. I will protect her as best as I can too.

When we got up to her room Violet put some quiet music before sitting on the bed. She indicated that I should do the same. I did. She smiled at me first, holding my hand and I smiled back, happy to be in her company once again. Her lips were soft as they grazed my own, I found myself shaking from nerves. I put my hands on her shoulders first, then frowned thinking about how weird that was. I moved them down towards her waist but the angle they were at made my right hand unable to grasp her properly. How she had continued to kiss me was a mystery. It wasn’t even my first kiss! Embarrassment was an understatement, especially since Violet now knew how nervous she made me. I’m supposed to be the strong protective male who can sweep any woman off of her feet…well in my head I am anyway. I messed that one up so much. It was sweet though, I enjoyed it all. Seemingly so did she.

She pulled away soon after and leaned up against the wall on the other side of her bed, I did the same. We talked a lot about how our weeks had been, things that had happened… It eventually led to how seeing Mam was a few nights ago. I couldn’t help the instant frown at mention of the evening. She took my hand again and coaxed me into talking about how it all went, stopping at the end to talk about what Killian had said. She said it was probably nothing and not to worry about it at first, but I was disheartened by it all. She tried to talk about more happy or exciting things for a while, but distracting me from Saturday night was proving difficult for her. Eventually, she found herself coming up with other solutions to my problem, telling me that I should probably talk to Mom about it, so not to make things more complicated for ma.

So that’s what I was going to do tonight, as I had told Violet earlier in the day, who agreed that it was better for me to be here than at hers. I was going to talk to Mom about how I felt about Killian’s words. The problem was, what exactly would I say?

I thought about telling Grandma yesterday since that’s where I had ended up. Grandma would stop whatever she was doing to talk to me, not like she was busy yesterday anyway. In the end I concluded that she would simply blow it off as problems newlyweds have. Maybe that’s exactly what it is, but the tone of Hook’s voice told me something completely different. I knew Mom would take anything I said into account. That was what I really liked about her. Since she had changed and become kinder she had listened to me more and taken my version of events on board. She’ll probably brush it off as nothing as well though.

I waited for her Mercedes to pull up outside of school absentmindedly picking at the hem of my blazer, forcing black strings of thread to gravitate towards the floor. What was it that he had said to her? ‘You’ll learn not to invite the boy round when it’s not his night,’? I couldn’t remember exactly but why would he say something like that about me? We have good times, don’t we? I could feel my eyebrows closely knitting together, I didn’t want to upset Hook. We get along and I am his step-son…it’s not like he’s going anywhere anytime soon. An unwanted thought made its’ way to the front of my mind. Would Mam stop seeing me if I upset Hook? My heart clenched at the thought. Would she choose him over me? I had to figure this out before it escalated any further. Did I do something wrong that I didn’t know about? My face fell to the floor, my mind agonizing over what it was I did.

Mom’s car pulled up a few moments later but I didn’t realize until she rolled the window down and shouted to me to get in. The black leather was smooth beneath me after a day of sitting on plastic chairs. I half threw my bag onto the backseat, allowing to slide to the floor when it missed. I sighed and turned to the windsheild, saying hi to Mom as I did so. Mom noted my slight attitude change but said nothing.

The car moved swiftly when Mom began driving. I had barely said hello to her, everything was quiet. Mom was frustrated or nervous, her body language expressing her emotions. How unusual. Nervous wasn’t an emotion Mom felt, I watched her tap her finger against the steering wheel repeatedly, half wondering what was bothering her.

“Henry, are you okay? Did something happen?” She concentrated on the road ahead but allowed sideways glances to me frequently.

“Yeah, Mom. I mean I have something I want to talk to you about but not right at this second…if that’s okay?”

I saw her nod, she continued to concentrate on the road.

Maybe he didn’t want me there because I made a mess on the sofa a few weeks ago, or maybe he thought I was a nuisance and should be kept away from him… I must have gone through a thousand possibilities but even after all of that I still didn’t know what I had done wrong. I wanted to make things right with him but I know I wasn’t supposed to be listening to their conversation. What if I got into more trouble for eavesdropping? What if I talk to Mom about this and she calls Mam and they argue because Hook is never meant to keep me away from her…that was the agreement.

I didn’t realise we were on the drive at home. Mum had just stopped the car and sat there waiting for me, she didn’t make it obvious, she just waited.

"Mom, something’s wrong with Hook,"

She raised her eyebrow slightly but lowered it and softened her gaze. She looked intently at me, prompting me for more.

"He said something the other night when I was at Mam’s and I just can’t get it out of my head…I wasn’t even supposed to hear it…"

"Henry, don’t worry. It’s okay, you can tell me, I’m not going to bite anyone’s head off," I wasn’t so sure about that. I laughed nervously, again trying to piece together the sentence I was trying to say.

"He told Mam that she shouldn’t invite me around unless it was my night…and he called me ‘the boy’. I think maybe I did something wrong and now he doesn’t want to see me anymore, but I can’t figure out what…"

Mom sat and stared at me for a moment. I couldn’t read what was on her face, she looked confused and shocked at the same time. Every passing second made my anxiety sharper along with the noticeable heart rate change.

"What did your Mam say?"

"She didn’t say anything. It’s what hurt the most…she didn’t defend me or anything,"

Mom sat back in her seat and looked out of the window at that. Her eyes narrowed. _Please don’t call Mam_ …

"How would you fancy dinner at Granny’s tonight?" The question was so sudden and random that I couldn’t respond. How was I supposed to respond to that? Mom was thinking about _food_? I know she loves cooking, I always get a great meal when I come here, which makes the whole situation more confusing. We barely ever ate out…

"Erm…yeah sure, if you want to…I guess,"

"Okay," she kissed my forehead, "I’m going to go and do some work but be ready at 5," She opened the door to get out.

"Mom, don’t you have anything to say about this?"

"Don’t worry Henry, we’ll talk it over at Granny's. For now, please get do your homework," I watched as she walked over to the front door, wondering what it was she was planning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you think Henry handled his concerns in the right way?  
> I've had a few comments saying that Hook should be punished. If I decide to do this, how would you guys want him to be punished and who by?  
> All feedback welcomed and appreciated.


	7. A Breakthrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Expect to be infuriated...hopefully ;)  
> This chapter is one of the longest chapters in this fic so I hope that makes up for any shorter chapters previously.  
> Any feedback and comments appreciated.

**Ruby’s point of view.**

The diner was pretty empty at this time of day. The local high school kids had mostly cleared out, leaving only 2 or 3 tables occupied by them. There was an old man sitting at the bar with a coffee and a newspaper while the first family of the evening had just sat down for dinner. It was 5:15, I would go on my break at 5:30 once I’d served the family of four in the booth next to the karaoke machine. Granny was upstairs taking a nap, I worried about her. She was getting older…I knew it wouldn’t be long before I shared my final moment with her. I hope to get at least a few years out of her first though. That woman had been there for me through so much… I mean at first no, she wasn’t supportive of Dorothy and I but eventually she came around. Other than that she’d been nothing but kind and protective of me. I love her beyond words.

On shift with me today was the new boy, Max, previously a talking flower from wonderland. Max was getting used to life in Storybrooke, he was making friends, got himself a place to stay, even found a boyfriend. But he couldn’t clean tables for shit. I understand that this was only his second week, but I’m getting sick and tired of going around the tables after him cleaning up what he couldn’t. Luckily his personality and confidence with the customers made up for that, his waiting skills were better than mine, even though I had a good 30 years on him.

I asked him to go and wait on the family who looked just about ready to order while I wiped down a few tables before the break. He trotted off, my eyes lingered over the first table in front of me. As I cleaned I watched Max interacting with the kids at the table, he was so animated, so wonderful with them. It was elating watching their excited faces gazing up at him, waiting for him to make his next move. I had asked Dorothy about children, my need to bring something good into the world was ever growing. But she was barely out of childhood herself, she wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility. I sighed, watching my hand swirl around the table.

I barely noticed when the bell signalling new customers rang. I was on my fourth and final table before beginning my break. Why did I have my break at 6, then have to close up the diner at 7? I’ve been working since 1, is Max really that incompetent that I have to wait 4 and a half hours in a low key diner to get my break? But then, what would I do with an earlier break?

“Ruby,”

Regina’s voice was close, startling me from my obtrusive thoughts. I turned to my right, seeing her accompanied by Henry, who smiled down to me.

“Oh hey, Regina. You here for…erm, another meal?” It just dawned on me that she had been here only a couple of hours ago. Back so soon, for what?

“Yes. Henry can you find us a table while I order drinks from Miss Lucas?” He stalked away. I found my notepad in my small apron, accompanied with a black pen.

“Before we get to that I need to talk to you about something,” I looked up.

“Oh yeah sure, what’s up?” Damn it was hard to look Regina in the eye. She was intimidating…but maybe I also had the hots for her. Of course I would never do anything against Dorothy, but eye candy was eye candy after all. Regina, I must admit, is excellent eye candy.

“Henry spoke to me about Emma…well sort of today. I wanted to know if we could do that meeting we spoke about a little earlier?” I was practically drooling over her…I can’t be doing this.

“Uh-huh,”

“Hey! Miss Lucas!” I snapped my eyes open at her. She gave me a stern look before softening to continue with what she was saying.

“I was hoping we could do it tonight, around eight or nine if possible?” I watched as she looked into my eyes, waiting for a reply. Horror flashed over my mind. Do it...as in  _it?_ I hate this. I hate being in love with two people at the same time but only being allowed to have one. What am I talking about? _Of course I don’t love Regina…do I?_

“I’ll check with Belle. In the meantime shall I just get you a hot chocolate and something fizzy?” She nodded, giving me a tight smile before turning to go and sit with Henry.

I made my way to the back room where my phone was and dialled Belle’s number. I wondered whether she’d be busy tonight, this was super short notice and she was a new mother. Plus I didn’t know whether Gold would pitch a fit like he did last time when he had to take care of his son himself. Luckily Belle’s job at the library wasn’t too demanding, so that wouldn’t be what kept her away if anything did.

“Hello?”

“Hi Belle, are you free tonight?”

“Erm, well…I guess I can be, why?” Her voice sounded uncertain.

“I told Regina about what we’ve been talking about with Emma and–“

“Ruby! Why would you do that?” The panic made me silently giggle slightly, I hadn’t told her that I knew about Regina’s fascination, nor Emma’s obvious attempts to hide her own.

“Don’t worry she can be trusted,”

“I’m sure she can. Twenty-eight years of my life locked up in a room told me that,” I couldn’t argue with that, I wasn’t going to and it forced me into silence. I opened my mouth a few times but gave up. Just as I was about to tell her we didn’t have to meet Regina she spoke up.

“I’m being too harsh on her. She’s changed now…I’m just going to keep her at a distance,” Her concern would be hard to alleviate, but hey at least this was a start.

“Trust me Belle, I think she could be a great help. I found something…’ A hand clamped over my mouth as I realised Regina had asked me not to talk anyone about her feelings for Emma.

“What was that last bit Rube?”

“Oh, it’s not important right now. I was just going to tell you about the dwarfs getting into another fight today but I have something to ask you first,” I bit lip, hoping she believed me.

“Urgh, the dwarfs are always fighting. It gets annoying and I really don’t want Gideon near that violence,” I heard her sigh again. Was she really more worried about the dwarfs than Rumple?

“Yeah… Anyway so I told Regina that we would maybe meet up sometime to talk about all what we’ve been—”

“Oh for God’s sake Ruby! When did you get so damn trustworthy? What exactly have you told her thus far?”

“Just that we’ve noticed a change in her behaviour,” “Is that all?” “Yes. But it all happened because I heard Zelena say she has feelings for Emma and I thought that maybe—” Damn. Oh well, I guess this can be payback for everything Regina did to me and my friends.

“Oh great. She has feelings for a married woman…Emma is in love and I don’t see her willingly leaving Hook anytime soon, so I don’t understand what you’re plan is here Ruby. All I can see is pain for both Emma and Regina,”

Belle was starting to really piss me off with the interrupting.

“I just thought that maybe she could be someone for Emma to lean on if…it happens,” Neither of us wanted to say it, despite having to explain our concerns to Regina later on.

“You have no faith. Everything will be fine between them, but even if it isn’t the last thing Emma needs is Regina breathing down her neck hoping for a good night out,”

“Did you miss the bit where I said FEELINGS Belle?”

“Yeah, yeah. Feelings whatever,”

“Okay, I’m going to meet her at the library tonight, I don’t know what time yet but I’ll text you. If you want to join us then so be it. Have a great night with your creepy husband otherwise,”

I hung up. I shouldn’t have let it get that far but Belle was pushing her luck. Regina had tried her hardest to change into the person everyone wanted her to be but people were never happy. I get that Belle has had to put up with some pure shit in her life because of Regina but there was no need to keep the tirade going. The object in my hand vibrated, I looked down to see what it wanted.

**There’s no need to be so mean Ruby. I’m just telling you how I feel about all of this. I’ll go and see Rumple and see if he can take care of Gideon tonight.**

I smiled. Belle was a sweetheart, my best friend alongside Emma and Snow, though we didn’t see much of Snow anymore. She wanted to make up for lost with time with her son Neal after missing out on it with Emma. Belle was more lenient with Gideon, I saw her at least once a week.

**Thanks Belle, you know I love you. No harsh feelings, just come by if you can.**

I put my phone away. Belle would come, she was always down to try and sort out her friends problems. I went to the toilet before going to the mirror above the sink and running my fingers through my hair, spreading it across my shoulders to make it look thicker. Then I re-applied the red lipstick and stalked back out to restaurant. Max had made Regina and Henry’s drinks, leaving them on the table at the back on a tray, which I picked up to take to them.

“I’ll be at the library around 8pm,” Regina glanced up as I put their drinks on the wooden table in front of them. I hated the way I shook in front of the mayor, showing off my nerves. She nodded with another small smile. Henry looked not only shocked, but confused. Regina must not have told him about our meeting yet. I smiled at him and walked back to the other side of the bar.

 _Get a hold of yourself Ruby. She’s not into you and you have a girlfriend, who you adore._ Am I just saying that to make myself feel better? I shook the thought and made myself busy to pass the rest of the shift.

I got to the library at 7:50, not wanting to disappoint anyone by being late. Being a wolf, I didn’t really need to wrap up warm in the winter, but I did it to keep up appearances anyway. My short red coat, black hat, scarf and gloves were all creating a heatwave throughout my body. The only outlet was through my legs, which were covered by a thin pair of black tights.

I loved the night, always had. It was so peaceful if you found the right places to hang at. The street the library was on was deserted, only the light breeze passing through my hair or the crinkle of leaves beneath my heeled ankle boots making sound. The harbour, tavern, restaurants and any other social places were at least a 15 minute walk from here. I closed my eyes, allowing the weather to cool down my legs.

The thick heels made a clomping noise when I started walking towards the library doors. Inside, a worn out green carpet muffled the noise of my shoes as I turned round several corners of bookcases before finding Belle sat a table reading a Dickens’ book.

“Hey,” I sat next to her.

“Hey,” She didn’t look up. Clearly she was still mad at me for snapping at her earlier.

“Sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to snap… It’s just been a long day you know?” I lied.

“Sure, it’s fine. Let’s just get this meeting out of the way,”

We sat in silence for another five minutes until Regina arrived with Henry in tow. Belle’s expression softened immediately when she saw Henry, out of everyone in Storybrooke, the boy with the heart of the truest believer was someone we could trust. Which meant that she would now hopefully trust Regina too.

“I hope you don’t mind I brought Henry along as well. I think he might want to contribute to whatever is said tonight,” Always so damn formal.

“That’s fine, take a seat,” Belle said.

“So from what we know so far, Emma has been unavailable, her appearance is failing her slightly as she’s lost weight alongside being uninterested in hygiene, fashion and the health of her hair,” I began.

“She looks incredibly tired which is unexpected in a new marriage. She should be having the time of her life with her new husband,” Belle looked directly at Regina when she said husband. Regina looked quizzically at her, then at me. It didn’t take her long to realise I’d told Belle about her feelings towards Emma. Upon said realization she began talking, changing the subject and relieving some of the tension. I would probably have to answer for that at some point.

“She barely speaks to me anymore, despite us usually speaking a lot before she got married. I noticed that she’s been rushing our conversations lately,” Regina looked down, most likely not wanting to admit that Emma may just not want to talk to her. We of course, knew differently.

“Henry has something he wants to bring up as well,” We all looked expectantly at him.

“Erm, I heard Hook say to her that she shouldn’t invite me around unless it was my night. It made me upset so I told Mom…” He looked down, his feelings resonating through his body language. Both Henry and Regina looked down when they were upset…like mother like son.

“Oh Henry sweetie. We think that something may be happening with Hook at the moment and whatever he said…I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Belle put a hand on his in an attempt to comfort him.

“We think that Hook may have been diagnosed with something…maybe fatal. It would explain why Emma is so worn down and unavailable. She’s been so busy caring for Hook that she’s let herself become exhausted. Hook’s outburst at her could also be because of the illness, he must be running on low energy,” They looked stunned. Neither of them had considered health problems…but then why would they? It only occurred to us a few weeks ago.

“Right…well yeah that explains a few things,” Regina looked disappointed somehow.

“Yeah… So we just think taking things easy around them both would be the best way forward,” Belle waited for them to agree. They both nodded, Regina more reluctantly than Henry.

We stayed in the library for half an hour after that, discussing how to approach the couple about our discovery before decided it was best to let them come to us. Regina seemed distant throughout it all. Eventually Belle said she had to go to Gideon. She said goodbye before leaving. Regina and Henry looked tired so they left soon after. I sat in the library a while longer, contemplating the reason behind Regina's odd reaction, before making the walk home.


	8. A night off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update guys, it's been a busy/difficult week.  
> Warnings: A lot of mental health problems here, as we're back to Emma's pov. Self-harm.  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter, any comments and feedback is greatly appreciated.

**Emma’s point of view.**

Hook would be out of the house tonight, he had arranged it a while ago thinking Henry would be coming over, as it was Tuesday and Tuesday was usually Henry's night. He was going to see some friends at one of their houses, I didn’t know who. I’m never allowed to know. He didn't allow me to keep tabs on him like he did to me. Though if I had to guess I'd say he was hanging out with Hans who was released from Arendelle a few months ago before finding his way back here. Hook never cancelled on his friends and usually he’d stay the night, so I assumed he would be staying there tonight as well.

It gave me chance to go and see Mom and Dad though, so I was going to take the opportunity. I put on an oversized turtleneck sweater to hide all the bruises across my body. Black jeans went perfectly with it, though the struggle was trying to lace up my boots with my broken finger. I didn’t need it to complete the action, but it moved with my other fingers, causing immense pain. I didn’t need to see myself to know that I looked dull or boring. I wish my red jacket would go over this sweater but it’s too big, so I settle for a long grey coat instead.

Then I looked in the mirror. I had forgotten about the hit I received before Hook had left. There was a bruise coming up on my cheek and I groaned at the thought of having to try and hide it with make-up. Yet, what choice did I have?

Half an hour later I looked somewhat presentable. The bruise could pass off as bags under my eyes if I was lucky. I found myself pressing my hands onto the table, bending over. I don’t want to leave the house anymore, I don’t want my parents to see me. I can’t cry, I’ve just finished applying make-up. My face is thin and worn, my cheekbones stand out more than usual, my eyes are sunken and dull. Lifeless. I didn’t notice my hair right away, but it didn’t take long for me to see it. The curls that were once there had fallen and straightened, it was matted in parts, the color had become faded. I brushed it but too much of it was staying in the brush. It comes out so easily now. I used my fingers to scrape it all back into a high messy ponytail.

Without thinking I picked up my keys and drove to my parent’s place. I rested my head on the steering wheel and allowed my hands to drop to the space on the seat either side of me, my hair falling to either side of my face. What if Hook was wrong? What if my parents didn’t think I was weak and he was in the wrong? _Don't be so stupid._ Past events have taught me differently but maybe one day I’ll talk to them about this. Not today though, not until I knew what I was going to say, not until I knew they could help me the way Hook wanted them to. I closed my eyes one more time, thinking hard about my chances of driving away unnoticed and calling them from around the corner to say I couldn’t make it. _Don’t be weak Emma. You’re already weak enough._

A ghost seemed to possess me to get out of the car and walk up to my parents’ house. The new home was nice compared to their previous place. They wanted something bigger for baby Neal to grow up in and they ended up here. Not quite the castle they expected for their prince, but it was still nice enough, it was more than I had. There was a stone pathway leading up to their front door, fresh green grass grew on either side lined with bushes that were dying from the cold. The house itself was big, light grey, there were four windows facing me for four separate rooms. I loved the authenticity of it.

Dad answered the door with a smile and Mom gave me a hug. I tried desperately not to show any pain or…weakness. It seemed I hadn’t because no one questioned it. Or they were used to it by now. I smiled a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. Mum went straight to the kitchen after some polite greetings and hugging me to check the baby monitor. Dad stared at me for a few moments. He looked confused almost.

"You okay Dad?" My eye line went to his but kept dodging away and coming back. I couldn’t hold his gaze, not now I knew what he actually thought of me.

"Nothing honey. Let’s go and have something to eat, okay?" I felt instantly sick. Food isn’t really a part of my daily life anymore… I just felt terrible every time I thought about it. I must get out of this, I’m not strong enough for something like food.

"Actually Dad, I’ve already eaten. Thanks for the offer though," I stalked past him, feigning confidence, into the kitchen before he had chance to say anything else.

The kitchen was as you would expect it to be with my parents running it. Completely organized to Snow and David but looking like it was ready to take on its’ own war if challenged. Anything dangerous that Neal could get a hold of was easily in reach, particularly the sharp knives that sat on in the middle of the island. At first, I thought Mom was scared of a home invasion, but it could easily have been Dad… The cupboards and drawers were over full with, if I’m being honest, complete and utter shit that Mom refused to throw away. The countertop was surprisingly clean. The same could not be said for the sink or the dishwasher.

I sat down on a stool around the island and Mum brought over a cup of hot chocolate. Yet another beverage that I would end up throwing up later. However I was thankful for the gesture and forced it down anyway.

"Emma I haven’t seen you in so long! Tell me everything! How is Killian? Was the honeymoon great? Did you…"

As she spoke I inwardly rolled my eyes and smiled, knowing exactly how Regina would react to her over-enthusiasm. The way they interacted always got me in stitches, I can see why they hated each other in the past. So why I ever thought Regina might fall for me was an obvious mistake on my part. I know I’m not my mother, far from her since she would never be as weak as me, but she still shares a great amount of traits with me.

"Everything is great Mom, Killian is great, the honeymoon was glorious. But I’m glad to be home," By that I mean I’m glad to be here with my parents, despite their unspoken disappointment in me. "How have you guys and Neal been?" 

My mother smiled a full happy smile and I’m reminded of how much I hate the whole happy family thing they have going on here. I know it was for the sake of everyone here and it had to be done but they left me to grow up in foster homes. I suffered abuse, neglect, abandonment, not to mention all of the mental health issues my entire childhood left me. This baby has it all going for him. _They wouldn’t be complaining about this. They would be getting on with fixing it. This is exactly what your husband means, he’s trying to show you how weak you are compared to everyone else around you._

He's right.

Tears sprung to my eyes but I wasn’t going to let my parents see. I excused myself quickly and walked to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. In seconds my body is a crumpled mess on the floor. _So fucking useless_. Why couldn’t I be better? Why couldn’t I be stronger or smarter or braver? I cried until I was cried out, silently and privately releasing my pain to avoid public embarrassment. I must have been in there for 20 minutes but I didn’t care. I was going back to plan A, I was going to complain of sickness and get out of there as quickly as possible. I splashed water on my face and looked in the mirror. Something hideous stared back.

I sighed and looked away. I’m a mess. The bathroom door was not soundproof I soon learned as I realized my parents were both silently working in the kitchen. They were trying to make it unobvious, in doing so they had made it obvious. The wooden floor made little sound as it connected with my boots on the way to the kitchen.

"I’m really sorry Mom, Dad. I’m not feeling so well, is it okay if I just go home?"

They looked confused and Mom especially looked disappointed. _Too weak to even visit your parents?_

"Of course darling, we’ll see you sometime soon though?" Mom asked but her eye line went to the floor quickly to avoid further disappointment.

"Yeah Mum, I’ll see you soon. See you too Dad," I took a step forward to hug them but decided against it. I’m trying to feign illness and my body will only make cry out from the bruises anyway.

"I love you both," I smiled and turned to walk away, they both said the same back but I couldn’t listen to lies. I wanted and wished for them to love me but I just knew it wouldn’t happen now.

The walk to my car proved cold and I was dreading getting undressed at home. _Gotta start being stronger Emma_. I turned the key in the bug and drove the short 10 minute journey home.

How do I be stronger? The question circled my head several times, I thought about it so much that my brain started hurting. Can’t even think without being hurt somehow. Old tears dry on my cheeks were covered in raindrops falling from my eyes. I walk into the house, shut and lock the door behind me, stalk into the kitchen, go to the drawer… The knife gleams in the harsh white artificial light, the entire room resembles a surgical suite. I took the knife from its’ place and walked it to the couch in the living room.

I’m sat down comfortably, I’m ready to make myself stronger. I place my weapon of choice on the cushion next to me, rolled up the sleeve on my left arm, picked up the knife again, held it above the flesh horizontally at a reasonably dangerous distance. One move, my skin will tear. I don’t want to kill myself…well yes, I do but not right now. I want to prove to everyone that I can be strong for them, I especially want to prove it to Henry. Henry and Regina.

_Don’t waste any more time Emma. Make yourself strong, show them who you can be._

The line was deeper than I expected. My arm shook wildly, the metal clattered on the floor as my right hand clamped over the self-inflicted wound on the left. I watched stray drabbles of blood drip from my eye to the floor. Blood didn’t bother me, never had but for some reason I found myself going light-headed. My vision blurred, my body felt heavy, my eyes felt heavy. I managed to go and wrap up my arm in the kitchen before collapsing there on the floor.


	9. Operation Armadillo.

**Henry’s point of view.**

I was so nervous to see her, my sleep was non-existent last night. Mom told me that she had been in the hospital. She said it was nothing to worry about, nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a couple of tablets. Of course because Mam grew up in this realm she was used to medicine over magic, refusing to go to Dr. Whale, she was sent to a hospital just out of Storybrooke. I asked over and over again to see her but they wouldn’t let me. 'You still have to go to school and the trip to the hospital takes forty five minutes, it’s nothing major with your ma so you don’t need to skip school for that.' They aren't stupid, they know once I'm by her side I won't move. I’ve done no homework this week. I couldn’t care less about writing when Ma is sick.

Nobody told me what had happened so I didn’t know what she looked like. Would she be pale from a disease of some sort? Would she have scars from minor surgeries? Would she be tired or vomiting? Would I be helping her around the house if she was too sick to stand up? Or maybe there was something wrong with her leg and she had a limp? I could feel the muscle in my chest tightening at the unknown. Had someone attacked her? No. If they had then there would be a quest to kill whoever had, everyone was too placid around here for that.  

“Henry,” Mom interrupted my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“There’s something I want to ask you about,” I heard the uncertainty in her voice…Mom was rarely uncertain. I followed her into the living room, worried about both of my mothers for probably no reason, the chair by the window would let me watch out for Ma while listening to Mom. I sat, trying to calm my nerves now Mom was watching me.

“So, what’s up?” I slapped my thighs slightly with my hands. Adrenaline made me do the most odd actions.

“I think they’ve got it wrong,” She looked directly at me as if I knew what she was talking about.

“Who is wrong about what?”

“Red and Belle,” She had stood up and started pacing, clearly trying to calm her nerves as well, “I think there’s something else going on with Emma but I don’t know what,”

I looked at her blankly. When she received no response she glanced in my direction. Her feet led her out of sight into the kitchen before returning with a glass of red wine.

“Mom! You don’t drink in the morning!”

“One glass won’t hurt and I don’t have very much to do today… I just felt like a glass,” She looked down into it. Our communication had always been solid, she always told me exactly what she was thinking or feeling, but something about this conversation made me think she was keeping something from me.

“Mom, if there’s something you want to talk about you know you can, don’t you?” A brief smile and a nod.

“Thank you, Henry. I just want you to check and make sure everything’s okay over there…don’t snoop, well not unless you have to, but I just need to know that Emma’s…” Her voice vanished. A fingertip traced the rim of the wine glass. Beeping outside made her jump but the wine stayed put.

“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll have a look, make sure it’s all okay,” I smiled as I picked up my bag and headed for the door. 

“I love you, Mom,” I shouted back to her.

“I love you too,” She didn’t need to shout. Her voice carried through the house. I smiled, then walked out into the winter air.

It was colder than I had expected it to be. The weather forecast had said ‘mild temperature for winter with some sun and a light breeze’ basically a summer in England according to Zelena who had visited there with Robyn in August. Frost covered most of the grass and pavement alike, it twinkled in the yellow sun but appreciating it was difficult due to the ‘light breeze’ which whipped my hair back and dried my eyes out. Ma’s car was at the end of the path thankfully so I wouldn’t have to walk far, though I’m wondering it’s been parked so badly.

I looked through the passenger door window before climbing in beside someone I wasn’t expecting to be driving.

“Hook!”

“Hiya mate, sorry you’ve got me for the ride home, your Mum’s not feeling so well, she took a lie down,” He smiled, I was unsure why but I smiled back anyway.

“That’s okay, I’ll see her when I get home. I didn’t know you’d passed your test yet!”

“Only last week but maneuvering a ship is more challenging than this rusty old thing,” He laughed.

“Cool!” He began to move the bug. He said I could go with him to pick out a car when he had passed his test.

“Hey, can we go pick out a car for you today?” I tried to act like it was neither here nor there to me but the excitement in my question was probably evident.

“Erm, we’ll see how your Ma is first, we can think about it once we know how she’s feeling,” The right indicator went on as he turned left.

“Are you sure you passed your test?” I joked.

“Yes, it’s the bloody car doing it wrong!” He slammed the palm of his hand off the steering wheel. I looked at him, slightly fearful of his outburst. He noticed and exhaled a breath before continuing.

“Sorry, Henry, I get annoyed when things aren’t in my control, sometimes I act rashly, that was one of those times,” I was sceptical but sympathetic. Hook had never harmed a soul intentionally…well not as long as I had known him at least. I nodded to him then mumbled something about listening to music for a bit. The remainder of the journey was performed in silence. In that time I thought about the fact that I didn’t know much about Hook’s temper, in fact, I didn't know he had a temper though I should have guessed since he's a pirate. I thought briefly about what Mom said…was there something more going on with Ma? I had to hold my train of thought. I’m only a kid…I could get someone into trouble by asking questions and if I’m wrong with my accusations then I’ll get into trouble myself. Besides, do I really think Ma would allow herself to be hurt by her husband? No I’m on the wrong train of thought here, this is wrong.

I dsmissed the idea as we pulled onto the drive. Hook stayed glued to his seat when we stopped, staring straight ahead at the front windows of his house. I unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled on the door handle until it opened, expecting to let him remain deep in thought.

“Henry,”

“Yeah?” I turned back to him.

“Your Ma is up and walking and she feels much better, much more herself. But she’s not one hundred percent, so don’t be asking her for much cause I know she’ll be up and waiting for you when you get in,”

“Oh yeah sure, I understand,” I got out, Hook did the same. He strolled behind me up to his front door, allowing me to enter first.

I went straight to the living room thinking that Ma would be there, but she wasn’t. I frowned and checked the kitchen despite finding it unlikely that she would be there. My claim was confirmed. Hook said she’d probably be up and waiting for me when I got back, does that mean she’s worse that he thought she was? I turned around, finding him sat on the couch reading this week’s TV guide. I sat in the chair next to him. I was too afraid to go upstairs, too afraid to see how she actually looked. Nobody has even told me what’s happened to her!

“Erm, what happened Ma? Nobody told me and I’ve been worried all week,” Hook looked up.

“Oh it was nothing serious mate, she went to the doctor feeling dizzy and then collapsed in front of him so he sent her to the hospital to be checked over. They just wanted to monitor her for a couple of days to make sure she’s okay. They gave her some tablets and told her she’s got to rest. You should go up and see her, she’s probably still lying down,”

I nodded, relief surging through my body. Why didn’t anyone tell me that? I guess because it really wasn’t that important. I smiled to myself, thinking I was an idiot for not trusting Mom in the first place. The stairs were carpeted, the sound my heavy footsteps concealed by it.

I knocked on the bedroom door but received no reply. _She’s probably sleeping._

I thumped back down the stairs to relay the news to Hook.

“Well, I guess it’s just us for a while then mate,” He smiled up at me, quickly rolling his eyes at my grin. He knew what I was going to ask next.

“Can we please go car shopping now?” It wasn’t that I had a particular interest in cars, more motorbikes actually, but if Hook wanted to look then I wanted to look with him. I also thought that this could be a good opportunity to see how he and Ma were doing. I could look into what Mom asked me to, while also possibly probing for any illnesses that Ruby and Belle thought he could have. They had considered various illnesses, one of them being cancer, but so far he looked healthy as always.

“Come on then,” He picked up Ma’s keys and headed to her car with me hot on his heels.

When we got back from our journey, with no new sets of car keys to my dismay, Ma was up. She was in the kitchen cooking something that smelt amazing! Ma was never as good of a cook as Mom but she was getting much better than she had been.

“Ma!” I practically ran the small distance to her wrapping my arms around her waist the instant I go to her. She let out a low whistle accompanied with the muscles in her abdomen tensing as she held me.

“Hey, Kid,” I looked up at her, she gave me a fake smile then looked back at what she was doing.

“Ma, how are you?”

“Oh you know, just tired, recovering slowly haha,” She didn’t look at me once. It’s like she’s embarrassed of me…or herself for being sick, well I assume. What else would it be? I thought back to my conversation with Hook at the car dealership. He didn’t give much away but he apologized again for the temper, saying it didn’t happen often. I asked him how he was doing as well and he was pretty adamant there was nothing wrong with him. The whole thing was confusing me. There was no reason behind the changes we're seeing in Ma.

“Henry, why don’t you go in the living room and pick something for us to watch?” she asked with her back still facing me.

“Okay,” Moments later she came in with three plates. It was Chicken Kiev with fries, mashed peas and barbeque sauce draped over it. I licked my lips at the sight, heaven on a plate. I started eating, in silence I noted as Ma and Hook had their eyes glued to the TV. It let my mind wonder. Something was definitely off, I really think it is something to do with Hook. The way they interact with each other is so different to how they were before the wedding. Ma barely looks at him and Hook keeps touching her, as if to get her attention somehow. Maybe she’s fallen out of love with him… She could be trapped in a house or marriage that she doesn’t want to be in… But then why would she stay?

I looked over at her eating, my eyes searching what I could see of hers. No negative emotions were visible…in fact emotions period seemed to be lost on her. Her eyes are glazed over, she isn’t even watching the TV. I don’t know what made me do it, I have no idea but I looked down at her plate. _What is that?_ I could just see the edge of a white bandage underneath her sleeve on her wrist. I frowned. It was a pretty big bandage. Nobody had told me about this…

The dressing had been on my mind for the remainder of the day. I went upstairs for a little bit so I could eavesdrop again, listening carefully to see if I heard anything that might lead me to the cause of all of this. It was mostly silent barring Hook snapping a ‘no’ at Ma. Hook seems healthy, really healthy. There’s something else wrong here and I’m going to find out what it is. Let’s call it: Operation Armadillo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter guys, I bet everyone's relieved that someone is getting closer to the truth huh? Does anyone have anything they'd like to have happen, or any particular way you'd like the story to go? I'm not gonna say 100% I'll include but I'll do my best with what you give me.


	10. Writing it down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I'm going to have to have a break to finish uni work. I'll update once a week for a few weeks, maybe more if I can finish work quicker, but I'm sure you won't be disappointed with the next few chapters! I hope everyone had a great holiday, whatever you're celebrating!  
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter!  
> Any comments and feedback is appreciated.

**Regina’s point of view.**

“Yes, Henry, I think you may be on to something,” Finally I don’t feel like I’m going out of my mind. I thought I was only one with concerns regarding Emma’s marriage to Hook, but now Henry has spotted something as well, I won’t look like the villain when we speak to Belle and Ruby. _If_ we speak to Belle and Ruby. I like them both to an extent, but once they had something in their head that was it. There was no arguing with them or changing their minds, Belle had an interesting of way of playing dumb, having to have everything re-explained to her until the proposer gave up. It's infuriating. 

“I think we should write out everything we’ve noticed,” Henry said to me before running up to his room. Moments later he returned with printer paper, pens including felt tips, clear tape, glue and his phone. Henry is a visual learner, he likes to have information laid out in front of him before coming to a conclusion, a mind-map would be beneficial to probably both of us. I watched as he placed everything neatly on my office desk as I removed the other bits and pieces to the floor. I hated messiness, but the floor was the only available space…besides it wouldn’t be staying there long. We stuck together 4 pieces of printer paper into a larger square with clear tape then turned it over so we could use all of the paper to our advantage. Henry got a black felt tip and wrote ‘Operation Armadillo’ in the middle then drew a circle around it.

“Shall we write the theories we already have down?” He waited for my nod, proceeding to draw a black line towards each piece of paper. He lit up his phone to find the notes he had already made then on the top left sheet he wrote ‘Hook ill’, accompanying it with a cloud shape around the edge. Top right: ‘Emma not in love’, bottom left: ‘other’. It left bottom right with any other strong theories we wanted to include. With everything out in front of the two, they had to admit there was something more going on than what they had suggested during their last meeting surely.

“So for top left we should think about any symptoms we’ve seen with regards to Hook’s supposed illness…” I trailed off, not knowing where to go from there as I hadn’t seen any and this wasn’t my theory...nor was it what I believed was happening.

“Symptoms is a difficult one, if he has any he has them well hidden… The only new thing about him that I’ve noticed is his temper and sometimes mood changes or mood swings are common with ill people,” He tapped on the paper with the other end of his pen as he surveyed the mostly empty page.

“Write it down with a question mark, we can’t say it’s a symptom until it’s been proven,” I watched as a red marker scribbled out ‘temper’.

“Maybe we should write down how this, if it is this, is affecting Emma. We can include what Ruby and Belle said,” He looked at me waiting for approval before swirling the same coloured pen across the page. ‘Weight loss’, ‘fatigue’, ‘lack of social activity’ were among the several points now neatly presented in the top left corner of our big mind-map.

“Shall we move on? We can come back to it if it’s necessary,” I suggested.

He nodded his agreement, fixing the red lid back over the inky pen and picking up a dark blue one. He drew a line from ‘Emma not in love anymore’ then stopped. I waited for him to go on but he seemed…unsure of himself somehow.

“You could write down what you said about Hook trying to get her attention first maybe?” He looked up at me then back down at it, but he didn’t write anything. A long minute passed before he dropped the pen, sighed and sat back in his chair. His pale hands coming up to cover rub his face until he let them rest on top of his head. Brown eyes gazed down at the paper.

“Henry, is everything okay?” This time he kept his eyes on the paper.

“What if we’re all wrong? Even worse…what if I start sprouting theories that are wrong? I mean, we can assume what we want to assume but at the end of the day what will we do with this information? Give it to Ma then ask her to explain it all?” He looked over to me, “What if we tell Ma and she finds out I came up with some of this and she thinks I’ve been spying on her—”

“Henry,” I took his hands into mine as his voice broke, “Emma would never think that, she’ll know when, if we ask her about all of this that we’re just concerned for her, she could even be grateful that we’ve put so much thought into it,” I tried to sound optimistic but he looked unconvinced.

“Look, if it makes you feel any better we can say we’ve asked people around the town and gathered information that way. She won’t be able to blame anyone specifically because according to her information everyone contributed… What do you think?” His eyeline was pointed in my direction but he wasn’t looking at me. He had drawn his hands from my own and put them on the table, now digging one of his nails into his finger absentmindedly. Slowly I watched the brown mop on his head move into a nodding motion. I smiled, encouraging him to continue.

“Okay, so let’s go on with this theory then,”

“Mom, I have another reason for all of this…” He stopped talking abruptly, seemingly afraid of his next statement.

“You don’t need to be nervous, it’s only me,” Another hopefully reassuring tone.

“I think that maybe…it’s something deeper,” He looked nervously up at me, I nodded for him to go on, ‘I think maybe there could be something really wrong between Ma and Hook…I think maybe…maybe he is hurting her somehow,”

It was my turn to lean back. I had thought about this before but never considered it a real option, mostly because if it was true, Hook would no longer have a beating heart. My jaw clenched hard, my eyebrows angled themselves down, my brain focused on how much I didn’t want that to be true, despite my hatred for Hook, Emma’s happiness was always the most important thing to me. So I hope beyond hope that he makes her happy, if he hurts her, the price I'll have to pay for the magic I'll use on him will send me bankrupt.

“What makes you think that?” I didn’t look at him, trying not to show the darkness in my eyes at the thought of his step-father. It softened immediately when I heard him stifle a cry.

“You don’t believe me either and now I’ve made a fool of myself,” His head fell into his hands, his shoulders bobbing lightly. I moved to cover them with my own.

“Henry, I do believe you, I promise I do, but we have to have evidence before we can start accusing people of abuse,” He calmed down a little then shrugged me off him so he could sit up to look at me. I realized how harsh and abrupt the word 'abuse' sounded...I didn't like it being attached to Emma.

“Mom, I don’t think Ma loves me anymore,” tears welled in his eyes as he spoke, breaking my heart at the same time.

“Listen to me carefully, you’re Ma put up with me fighting her for months so she could have a relationship with you, no way would she ever stop loving you! No matter what she’s going through you will always have her heart under lock and key, okay?” I hoped he believed me, I hugged him tighter before he leant back. He nodded slowly, wiping fresh tears away before taking a shaky breath and replying.

“I have light evidence but nothing incriminating and nothing I can prove,”

I nodded. Between sharp breaths he picked up the black felt and wrote down ‘abused’ in the bottom right corner. The word stared at me, forming ugly impressions in my head as I tried hard not to imagine what could have…could be happening to the woman I love. To Emma. _Emma._ I picture her on the floor crying because of something he said, I picture her in their bed trying to move further away but she can’t escape him, I picture her in the most unimaginable pain. _He touches her and I can only imagine the unmeasurable pain I'll drag that worthless prick through_. He hadn't been proven guilty yet, but something in my gut told me this was happening. I hadn’t realised my hand made itself into a fist, I only noticed when my short nails drew blood from the palm and Henry had been shouting my name.

“Mom!” I looked at him.

“It’s okay, Henry,” I waved my hand over my palm, the nail marks vanished. I smiled to him reassuringly.

“Do you want to work on the abuse one for a bit?”

“Okay,” In an orange marker he wrote down ‘white bandage’, ‘Hook temper’, ‘Hook’s speaking in tones with Emma’, ‘Emma won’t go near him’, ‘They don’t go out together very much’, ‘Emma isn’t the way she used to be’.

“That’s all I can think of but the abuse would lead to Emma not loving him surely?” I shook my head uncertain.

“There’s a condition called ‘Stockholm syndrome’ where a potential victim feels positive emotions towards their attacker, usually falling in love with them. We don’t know how long the abuse has been going for, but since Emma has changed a lot since her honeymoon, we could make an educated guess that it started while they were there or just after. That means that she was in love with him before the abuse started,” He nodded, seeming to understand.

“All I can say is they don’t seem as happily married as everyone says they are,” He looked away and wrote ‘living up to preconceptions’ on the sheet. He had a point, there was probably a lot of pressure, particularly on Emma’s part as the daughter of the Charming’s, to set an example as the perfect beautiful princess with her with her strong brave prince…or pirate. _Why couldn’t she have chosen a queen instead?_

“Mom there’s something I want to ask you,” I realized we had both been in silence for the most part of this mind-map construction. It was probably the most distant we had been for years and yet, we were closer than ever.

“Yes Henry?”

“Saturday morning, when you asked me to see if there was anything more to this than meets the eye, you were going to say something about Ma…” _Oh fuck_. My eyes widened to their full capacity, I found a large lump in my throat which I tried to swallow, my voice was shaky when I spoke next.

“Y-yes honey?”

“You were saying that you ‘just need to make sure Emma’s…’, were you going to say okay?” I was shell-shocked, terrified of where this conversation was headed.

“Yes Henry I was, I’d never wish Emma any harm…well not anymore,” I winked at him with a smile, making him laugh a little. _Cover not blown…yet._

“She’ll be okay Mom, we’ll help her, all of us once we’ve convinced them,” He gave a small smile before writing down the evidence for ‘Emma not in love’ on the top right hand sheet.

As the afternoon progressed into the evening we had come up with an array of things that were different with Emma. Information laid out neatly on each page, there was substantial evidence for all three theories…the problem was that the evidence was similar if not duplicated for all theories, meaning there wasn’t anything we could pinpoint. Nobody would ever believe the ones Henry and I had come up with if there wasn’t specific evidence against them. The only thing we had was a white bandage on Emma’s arm, which could have been caused by anything.

We decided that would be enough for tonight, I stuck the sheet to his bedroom wall since no one would be going in there other than the two of us and if we wanted to add to it, we could do so easily. Henry has school tomorrow and he has to keep his grades up, he went up to bed a good half an hour ago. I was about to go to bed as well, but I had one last thing to go before I did. I found my phone and flicked through my contacts until I found Ruby’s number.


	11. Forced physical activity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,  
> Sorry for the wait but I can get back to writing this story now. It's a short chapter coming up but quite hard-hitting.  
> Warnings: Graphic rape, hint of gang rape and abuse.  
> I want to mention that this is my first attempt at writing a rape scene so any feedback would be really helpful. Thank you!

**Hook’s point of view.**

I could feel it stirring like a whirlpool deep in the pit of my stomach. Well that’s where it started, then it made its way down to my groin in quite, quick notion. My hips swirled involuntarily, the lust building gradually as the minutes passed. I kept hidden away in my office at the docks, the shift slowly dragging on, the sexual thoughts creating raunchy images in my mind… Lunch came and went, the feeling was ever growing, food didn’t make it less evident, in fact it only grew, pulsing through my body. I thought of Emma, how I would take her the way I wanted to. I like control with women, I like that they have no say when it comes to me, I like that I am stronger than they are, if they don’t want to do things for me voluntarily then I’ll make them do it. Women be warned, you will be paying the price.

I glanced at my trousers, the pressure on the cloth causing it to rise, visible for anyone to see. Bad move on my part allowing myself to think of Emma, it had only made my erection more desperate. I need relief. The window facing the docks shows me men and women pacing left to right, carrying boxes of supplies and other such material to ships or storage units. It was too busy to do it here, anyone could look in. I’d have to try and make my way to a toilet. I look around, waiting for a moment when I could escape unseen. There is too much happening in the mid-afternoon, too many people, too much business. However, 10 minutes later I was in a dull cubicle in one of the public toilets available at the docks, my hand gripped tightly around the part of me that made me feel so desperate. I bit my bottom lip, imagining myself thrusting into Emma, her tears gracefully falling onto the pillow as I pound into her faster than she can handle. _Fuck_. I’m going to have her like that tonight.

I finished myself off quickly, watching the white substance flow from the end of my penis into the toilet. I used toilet paper to wipe any excess away from my legs before pulling up my trousers and exiting the cubicle, without cleaning the toilet seat. I couldn’t care less who cleans it but it won’t be me. Images float through my head of Emma, trying to prove herself as strong to me, licking it up naked. I could invite the lads on the ship over to watch, maybe even take their turn with her if they wanted. Not many of them would of course, not many of them are actually villains anymore. I seem to have made everyone think I’m a hero whilst others were turning into them to simply lead a more positive life…in their eyes. _Even heroes had their weaknesses_. I find myself laughing whenever I see Emma trying to prove herself as strong, she’s so easily manipulated, it’s so easy to get her to do whatever I want her to. Whilst she believes she is weak, she will act that way, which is the way I need her to act if I want to keep a leadership role in this town. This will be forever, my forever in paradise. If only I had someone with me who was more of a woman than Emma was.

The remainder of the day dragged slowly, I wanted to go home much sooner than I ended up doing. 5:30 rolled around and I found myself walking through the front door, looking around for my wife. I was quick paced, looking through every door, around every corner as quickly as possible. The desperation was growing through me again, the relief earlier clearly not having the desired effect. My feet took me to the bottom of the stairs where I heard movement. I ascended them, slower than I had been throughout the rest of my search, listening to what she might be doing. Mostly I wanted to know whether she was talking to Regina again. If Regina was talking to Emma more often, then she had to chance to take her away, then Emma would tell her about being stronger and I would lose all of the power I had gained her…along with everything else.

I found her undressing in the bedroom, as was expected of her. She hadn’t heard me come in, the shock in her voice was music to my ears as I pushed her down onto the bed with a forceful thrust. She turned her head around to face me and I indicated for her to turn over. Her body obliged but I could see her eyes desperately protesting. I feel like a thief, a pirate if you will, ready to take something from someone that was of great importance to them. The grin on my face only grew as I thought of myself this way.

“Swan, I need relieving,” My trousers were around my ankles in seconds, I looked expectantly at her. She shook her slightly, immediately regretting it as I grabbed the back of her head, forcing my nails into her scalp and pushed her face into my penis. She took it in her mouth, pleasuring me with her eyes screwed shut tightly, obviously trying to think about anything other than what she was doing at that moment. I sighed, closing my eyes, enjoying the lubrication. She had tried using her teeth before now, pretending she wasn’t very good at oral sex but a few knocks to the head reminded her of how it should be done.

It was a good few minutes, very good in fact, but I tend to get bored easily so I roughly thrust my fingers through her hair and forced her to deep throat a few times, waiting for her gag reflex each time, before pulling her off me and pushing her down on the bed. I preferred women as tight as I could get them and usually that meant making sure they weren’t enjoying it. Emma had never enjoyed it. Even when she believed she was in love with me she hadn’t enjoyed it. It was another perk to getting what I wanted. The same scenario applied now as I put the organ next to hers and forced my way into her. I had to push myself in over and over until she finally opened up enough to accommodate me. She yelped, allowing tears to fall down her temples.

“Average,” was the word escaping my mouth, simply to hurt her futher. It only made her more upset, expectantly, but it angered me nonetheless. Women crying was so unutterably annoying. It gave me more reason to insult or abuse her. I pushed myself in over and over each time making it harder, more painful for her but more pleasurable for me. Her unwanted cries of displeasure ringing around the bedroom in competition with my rough moans. She was tight, incredibly tight and I actually enjoyed the fuck…more than I had enjoyed the women in the bars I went to out of town when I went over to a ‘friend’s house’. She asked me to stop and put her hands on my chest. _Big mistake._ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She should know better than to ask me to stop. I grabbed her wrists and pushed them down on the bed, gripping them so tightly I could see my fingertips going white.

"NOOOO PLEEASSEE!" She balled as more tears layered the ones already shed. I hadn't pushed her this far before but her reaction only spurred me on more. She turned her face away from me and waited, still crying.

It took me a further ten minutes to finally empty myself inside of her. My eyes never left her face, enjoying the evident pain she was experiencing at my movements. When I finally climaxed I groaned loudly, allowing the noise to take over her cries. I stayed there until I was completely soft, my eyes closed, enjoy the feeling of being surrounded in such comfort, only the slight intakes of breath and shallow cries were left for noise in our place of rest. Without warning or hesitation I got up, pulling myself out of her, she whimpered in pain…presumably. I released her arms and she immediately flung them up to cover her face, the bruises on her wrists already forming. I found my trousers, pulling them up before strolling to the bathroom.

I left both doors open, her cries barely audible. I listened and grinned, this woman is my woman and not anyone else’s. She belongs to me, she is mine. I stole her from anyone else who thought they could have had her, especially the one who clearly wants her. Ha! Maybe I have lived up to Cora’s expectations of ruining her daughter’s happiness with a woman after all! Too bad she’s not around to see it. Now that I control Emma I basically control the town. Anything I want done I can get Emma to do it, anything I can’t force her to do I ask her parents or her son, all of them are so loving towards me. Her parents see me as her prince charming, I soon learnt their expectations, then I began doing what they expected from a possible husband for their daughter. I guess I’m a good actor. Her son wanted nothing more than a father figure, Neal’s death obviously made life easier, I quickly advanced on the grief both Emma and Henry were experiencing. It wasn’t long before he was teaching me to play games on his console and asking me to take him places on my boat. The boy was infatuated.

I knew from the beginning that nothing would stop me from getting my happiness, my control and leadership, now I have it, nobody will ever take it away.


	12. What Is Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my new beta! I'm a nitwit so I've forgotten your AO3 name but cheers to a new partnership.

**Ruby’s point of view.**

It had been a week since our last meeting. Isn’t it funny what can happen in a week? One minute you’re wiping down tables with your lazy co-worker, the next your grandmother is kicking him out for fairy dust abuse, which is like drug abuse according to Emma. Max was never my favourite person anyway, so no big loss. On Monday I was happier than I’ve ever been and by Friday I’m moping around hoping the adopted injured dog who will hopefully make it out of the vet’s without any major health issues. At the beginning of the week I was thrilled about being in a relationship with the most wonderful girl but then as the week progressed I started thinking more and more about Regina. Now I can’t stop thinking about her no matter how hard I try. Dorothy must have noticed my change in mood as she has been increasingly attentive, but the idea of Regina ruled my fantasies.

Regina hadn’t left my thoughts all day, yet again. She had texted a few days ago, saying that we should all meet up again after she and Henry had looked over what could be happening with Emma. I was more than happy to arrange a dinner date with them all. Belle seemed to be coming round more to trusting Regina, most likely because on both occasions of us all meeting, she had either brought Henry with her or planned on bringing him.

That didn’t work out so well for me though. Henry is a great kid, but he gets in the way too much. It hadn’t been so much of a problem before, but I knew that I wanted to talk to Regina today about things he didn’t need to hear. Regina was always the most beautiful woman in town, but something had happened recently that seemed to make her even more beautiful. The way her body fit into her clothes, how her hair seemed to wrap around her neck in a way that made her face stand out, how her make-up accentuated every feature on her face…especially those lips of hers and even more so when they were painted red.

I found myself biting my lip whilst staring at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t looking at myself, instead I pictured Regina getting out of the shower. Her olive skin glistening in the harsh light of the bathroom, droplets of water cascading down her body, her messy hair covering part of her face as she focused on getting a towel for modesty. I snapped back into reality when Dorothy wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my neck.

“Mmmmm, sweetie, you…smell…amazing,” she stated seductively between kissing my neck up to my jaw. I smiled, enjoying the attention. I do love Dorothy, not just her beauty but her personality as well. She could make me laugh with just about anything that came out of her mouth and she was so opinionated, ferociously using whatever evidence she had stored away in that beautiful brain of hers to fight anyone who disagreed with her. She had captured my heart from day one. So why couldn’t I stop thinking about Regina?

Realizing I had been silent for too long I responded, “So are you, honey,”

“It’s your day off…we could just…oh I don’t know, go back to bed?” She grinned into my neck while her eyes playfully glanced in the mirror at me.

“We can do that once I get home from seeing my friends,” I smiled, it didn’t reach my eyes though.

“Oh…okay, yeah, sure,” She stepped back, glancing over at me with her own fake smile before picking up her towel and going back to our bedroom. I leaned over the sink and let my head drop into my hands. _Gotta get her out of my head_ …

I arrived at Granny’s soon after my encounter with Dorothy. I hadn’t arranged to meet with the group for another hour but I needed to clear my head, or fill it with the script I was going to use with Regina. _What do I even say to her? Hey, Regina, I like you a lot and even though I have a girl waiting for me at home, who I love, I’d like to know how down you would be for kissing me?_ I rolled my eyes, thinking about how immature or childish all of that sounded. Saturday morning was usually a busy time for the diner, weekends always were, today was no different. The usual hustle and bustle was forming around the bar while almost every booth was occupied by a group or a person. The tables in the middle were mostly taken by various customers. There was one at the back that was recently deserted, I made my way towards it before anyone else could sit there.

The new girl, Jayne, was falling all over herself for the cute guys in the diner. Particularly if they were good looking men with skinny jeans on. I watched as she stumbled her way towards me from a boy band wannabe before finally saying “Hi there Ruby, what can I getcha?” with an annoying smile all new waitresses seemed to adopt.

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah Jayne, I want a strawberry milkshake and…” I looked over the menu despite already having it memorized, simply so I could I watch the guy she had her eyes on get up and leave, “And a Shepherd's pie with vegetables and gravy please.”

She scribbled angrily onto her notebook before glancing at the window to watch her love interest walk away. “Comin’ right up,” The smile and chirpy voice vanished before she did. I was again left to my thoughts, which means I was left to drool over Regina. I imagined her standing in front of me, a figure hugging dress accentuating every curve to ever grace that wonderful body. She’s saying something but the expression in her eyes is telling me everything I need to know… Her hands seductively move to rest on her hips, a slender index finger taps lightly against it. My eyes travel up her body to her stunning set of breasts to linger for a moment, then up to her mouth which is portraying a small smirk.

“Not quite Dorothy sweetheart,” she said. _Shit_. I gulped then considered her eyes. They were real, she was standing there in front of me, and she’d seen me gawking…

“May I?” Her hand dragged the chair back gracefully. I nodded, finding my focus on the task at hand. I had planned to talk to her after the meeting, but I suppose speeding things up wouldn’t be so harmful. Once she was sat she began explaining the reasons for her coming early, telling me there had been a mix up with Henry and he was going to get here soon but she wanted to be here to meet him when he came…blah blah. I couldn’t concentrate on everything, my mind kept wondering back to what I was going to say to her.

“Oh erm, Regina, is it okay if I talk to you about something?” She looked at me with a furrowed brow, clearly not having an idea about what was about to transpire. She smiled a little and nodded.

“I have, erm, well I have…what I mean is…” _Fuck._ I should have thought about this more. I looked down to my lap, thinking of how I could tell her what I was feeling.

“You like me,” It was a flat statement that caught me off guard. I looked up into her eyes. Beautiful brown irises kindly looked back, she seemed to know everything, reading me as the open book I seemed to be.

“Ruby, you’re a beautiful girl…there’s no denying that, but my feelings are for Emma and Emma alone. Even if they weren’t, you have somebody waiting for you at home, someone who is clearly in love with you from what I’ve seen. Take my advice, don’t throw that away,” she smiled at me, my eyes were welling up involuntarily. I nodded at her, rendered speechless by the kindness I had never seen before in Regina. Her phone rang and she excused herself to talk to Henry, I wiped beneath my eyes just as my meal and drink arrived, courtesy of my dear friend Jayne and her wonderful daggers.

Though I thought I was disappointed with the rejection, I didn’t find myself overly upset as I had expected to be. I thought my feelings for her were something stronger than what they were, I thought I was falling in love with her. But how can you be in love with someone you barely know? The meaty potato was warm in my mouth, then in my throat, reminding me of what was warm on the outside of my throat earlier that day. Dorothy is the person I love. She’s the one I go home to and she’s the one I want to be with. I smiled, thinking that the conversation with Regina had put me back on track while making a mental note to see Dr. Hopper about the emotional roller coaster ride I’ve been on this week.

Regina came back looking confused, an expression I returned to her.

“Henry said he’ll be a bit late, something came up. He sounded…upset, I think,” She kept her eye level low, in deep thought of what could be happening with her son. I had finished my meal and was glancing around at the other customers. I didn’t want to intrude on her thoughts, instead remaining quiet and simply observing her reactions to whatever thoughts crossed her mind. Jayne had noticed my empty plate and stalked back over, no longer having any trouble walking.

“You want anything else, Ruby?” The condensing tone lacing her voice had Regina snapping her head up. I smiled warmly at her, then icily at Jayne, enjoying the power my current position gave me.

“Jayne, honey, I don’t want anything more to eat or to order anything else, but what I would like is for you to clean up your fucking act before I go upstairs to Granny, oh sorry, your boss’s room and tell her how you’ve been treating the customers in her diner,” Her eyes seemed to grow as her cheeks flushed a deep red. The smile on my face only grew. She picked up the plate and turned on her heel, walking back to the bar with much less confidence and slumped shoulders.

“Wow, Ruby. I didn’t know you had it in you,” I smiled happily at Regina, who seemed to know nothing about me contrary to the town’s idea of her knowing everything about everyone.

Belle walked in and sat in the chair next to me, looking at Regina skeptically when she realized Henry’s seat was empty. Regina, of course, caught on and rolled her eyes before stating that Henry would be here soon. Before anyone could say anything else, Regina pulled her bag up onto the chair next to her and pulled out a roll of paper. She laid it on the table in front of us then fastened her bag, placing in beneath the table where it had come from. She then untied the string that held it together, revealing the words on the page to us and smoothed it out. She used my half full glass of milkshake to hold down the corner closest to me and used her bottle of water to hold down the corner diagonal to it. I noticed the words were facing us, so we could read what we liked. My eyes went wide as they flitted to the word ‘abuse’.

“Henry and I came up with some theories after the meeting last week. He did some investigating while at his mother’s house and everything he discovered is on this massive piece of paper,” She looked at us both nervously. She clearly hadn’t been expecting to show us this alone. I took the opportunity to glance over at Belle, whose eyes were fixed on the same word mine were a few moments ago. Regina noticed this. “I’ll get to that in a bit, just hear me out with everything first,” She explained each theory in detail to us. Where the ideas had come from, what evidence the two had found to conclude them, why they thought the evidence would possibly be drawn to this. The worst theory that had shattered any other thought I had before Regina had pulled out the mind-map, was unfortunately the theory that seemed most likely. I felt my jaw drop open at some stage during her monologue, my eyes welling up a little as well, but then somehow denial managed to rear its head. I looked over at Belle thinking she would also be in denial but her eyes fixed on Regina. She hung from each word and nodded.

“Why didn’t we think about this before?” Her voice was hoarse, breaking a little and I knew the tears wouldn’t be far behind.

“We have to tell David about this…or, we could—” Her sentence was cut off by the voice caught in her throat as she failed to hold the sobs back any longer. She dropped her head into her hands and quietly cried, she didn’t pull away when I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. I looked around and noticed the diner was empty, no one would question the conversation later. Belle looked up, her eyes red, swollen, but the tears evaporated. She was about to say something when the bell for the diner rang, alerting a new customer.

“Mom,” Henry didn’t sound right. Regina was on her feet immediately, quickly wrapping her sobbing son in her arms. They stood there hugging for a long time, both Belle and I watching dumbfounded. When she finally released him I heard Henry say words I never thought I’d hear him say.

“Ma doesn’t love me anymore. She doesn’t want to see me anymore.”  


	13. A Mother's Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta for correcting my daft mistakes!

Regina’s point of view.

Henry wasn’t quite right with his accusations. Despite his growing body, thick skin and _girlfriend_ , he was still the little boy I had raised. Still jumping to conclusions and though what Emma was saying was completely wrong, she did not say she didn’t love him. After he had calmed down a little, I took him to the back room Ruby had let us use for a moment, knowing Henry didn’t know the other women well enough to pour his heart out to them. He breathed heavily at first, keeping his eyes downcast to the floor, trying to gather his thoughts and create a chronological time frame of what had happened. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and looked up at me. I smiled faintly, wanting him to trust me but also showing him I understood whatever had happened was affecting him badly and therefore not making light of the situation. I patted the chair next to me, keeping my eyes on his. After swallowing, his legs moved towards the empty seat and he sat, fairly rigidly.

“She called me about half an hour before you did,” his breath was shaky from crying, “It’s not even her day with me. I thought something might be wrong with...I don’t know, the thing she went to hospital for. So I picked it up and she was so stern with me, like she was talking to a colleague at work she didn’t like,” He spent a few moments slowly breathing, allowing the emotions to become dormant.

“Take your time,” I smiled at him reassuringly but he continued to stare at the wall ahead of him.

“She said that she couldn’t see me so much anymore. Work is getting to be too much for her, she can’t ask Grandpa to help out because he has Neal, babies need both of their parents as much as possible. So I don’t get to see mine because of my uncle,” The resentment in his voice clear.

“Henry, are you sure that’s what she said?” He looked down, nodding.

“Yeah. I tried to protest, I said I’d help her with everything but she said that she also needed a break from some things...I guess I’m one of those things,” I pulled him into a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head softly. My ears were surely betraying me. Emma would never turn Henry away, nothing would stop her from seeing her son. Something was clearly wrong.

We went back into the diner a few moments later and made our way towards the table Belle and Ruby were bent over, scrutinizing the information we had collected previously. Henry had granted permission for the women to know what had happened, but didn’t want to share it himself. I was left to relay the harsh conversation. Their shocked faces showed that nobody had ever expected this. The room was eerily silent for a moment, to an onlooker, we would look as though we were in mourning. It’s strange what comes to mind when something happens that renders you silent, for me it was how empty Granny’s diner was on a Saturday afternoon. My thoughts were put on hold when a voice caught my attention.

“It’s a cry for help,” Belle looked at each of us. “She knows we would know something is wrong if Henry came and told us that,”

“First of all, she doesn’t know you and Henry are this well acquainted, secondly she may not have expected Henry to talk to anyone about it,” I used to love sharing bad news but I had changed. This was one of the toughest situations I had been in. Belle however was persistent, and soon after we had agreed that I would talk to Emma since the issue was concerning our son. I called David as soon as I got home, telling him Emma would need to take some time off on Monday to come and see me, he gave her the whole day. Suspicious considering he can’t handle his workload. I then called Emma, who was angry that I had called David but agreed to meet me in the afternoon.

I finished my work by 11am, then cooked myself lasagna for lunch. I wasn’t nervous about seeing Emma, nor was I nervous about getting the answers we so desperately wanted. What I was nervous about was what I would do to Hook once the abuse was confirmed. I’m almost one hundred percent sure that this is what is happening. Now, I’m sat in my living room armchair with a glass of red wine, for the nerves. I’m not patient, but I have no choice but to wait for her.

A knock came moment later. To say I sprinted to the door would be lying, heels don’t allow for that sort of action, but I was quick to answer. A dishevelled looking Emma stood in front of me, her red jacket hung limply around her shoulders, her hair pulled back into a greasy bun, her eyes sunken but furiously staring at me. I nearly let the tears well, she looked terrible, but weakness on my part would not help this situation so with a smile I held the door open for her.

“What the fuck is this, Regina?”

“There’s no need for the profanities, we’re just here to talk,” I sat down in the chair I was originally in, Emma chose to stand.

“So what’s wrong then? What’s wrong with Henry?” The woman standing before me was not Emma Swan. The previously confident stance she would have taken with me when asking a question like that in a situation like this was replaced with slumped shoulders, an arm across her ribcage which led to a hand gripping the other arm tightly, and a tone that told me she had given up before even starting.

“He’s not doing so well, Emma. He’s getting bad grades in class, his moods are all over the place, even more so than usual, he barely spends any time in my company while he’s here… Even his girlfriend came over to ask me if something was going on,” The lies seemed to catch her attention.

“His teachers have called to tell me he’s going to have to take extra classes to catch up, he’s stopped eating as much, which I never thought I’d hear myself say,” Thinking back to the way Henry likes to rummage through any storage unit he can find for food that may have been a lie too far but Emma believed it, “He doesn’t even enjoy talking to me about motorcycles anymore. Now tell me, did you know _any_ of that?”

She looked shocked, for a moment or so. Her mouth opened and closed once or twice before she turned to stare out of the window. Bewilderment and confusion, along with a range of emotions crossed her face before the unmistakable sign of guilt. My heart broke a little, watching her hurting from the pain I was essentially causing. If we truly want answers though, I have to push on. I wait a moment longer before speaking again, more softly this time.

“Emma, you haven’t spoken to me properly in a long time. We used to speak about Henry at least a few times a week, we used to talk as friends...you are my friend. Or at least I think you are…” I turned away, playing the guilt trip card to its maximum potential. “I think whatever is going on with Henry involves you.”

“Maybe.”

I turned around. I knew a sob when I heard one and Emma’s sounded exactly like her son’s. I looked at her, then finally into her eyes. God had I missed those eyes. Though tears were running down her face she didn’t move an inch. My eyes softened and I tilted my head a little, trying not to mirror her emotions though I could feel them boiling up inside me. I went towards her, held my hand out giving her the choice to take it. She did. Gently, remembering that she could be in physical pain from the abuse that may or may not be happening, I pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around my waist gingerly.

We stood like that without worrying how much time was passing by us. Moulded into each other as though we belonged there, as though we were one. I took every moment as a blessing, I smelled her hair, made mental notes of the way my chin felt on her shoulder. I felt her stomach expanding and withdrawing with each breath, we had a rhythm going with each other, managing to never leave the other’s body. As she exhaled I inhaled and vice versa. Every second together, I found myself feeling more relaxed in her arms. I bent my head slightly to fit it into the crook of her neck, unsure of the response if there was to be any. She angled her head so she could accommodate for mine before leaning it against mine. I knew then, that she wanted me as much I wanted her.

When we finally pulled away, I kept my arms underneath hers. We held each other lightly and looked into each other’s eyes. Green marbles, each painted delicately to their own intricate design , seemed to reach down into my soul. She gripped me harder and pulled me towards the couch. I sat on her left.

“I wish I could tell you everything, Regina. I wish I was…” she looked down, “Strong enough to talk to you. I don’t know how to tell you things...I’m not sure I can,” I watched her with great difficulty. The woman I held moments ago had transformed into a girl, someone who easily be broken if you scraped away at the minimal flesh hanging from her bones. Her entire body language altered, hunched over into a ball almost when she bent her knees close to her chest. I placed my hand on top of hers.

“I’m here for you, Emma. Anything you want to tell me I will listen to,” I realized that this had become less about Henry, if played wrong it could look suspicious. However, in speaking of Henry, I deal with the thought that Emma might think I’m talking to her for his sake more than my own. I’m talking to her for everyone’s sake, but I want her to know how deeply I care about her.

As I was battling with myself in my head, Emma had unwrapped herself from the position she was in and had turned to face me. She looked into my eyes for the longest time, again allowing me the opportunity to take in every emotion those irises had to give. Her hand touched mine, then her fingers slid up my arm to my shoulder and rested there. She watched her hand but I couldn’t take my eyes away from her. The throbbing in my heart seemed to translate into my blood, which then made every vein in my body throb, particularly the ones where Emma’s hand was. She traced the edge of my neck and I had to swallow hard in order to force down a moan before she found my jawline then my cheek. I let my head fall into her hand slightly, testing the waters that I hoped were warm and welcoming. Every movement from here was a risk, but I was more than willing to take it.

I placed my hand on her forearm, caressing it slightly before I leant in to kiss her temple. It was a caring and loving gesture, one which held so much promise that I couldn’t help but see the slight disappointment in her eyes. She looked away, pulling her hand with her. _No no no no no no. I can’t let you go again._

Without hesitation I gently turned her head towards me and placed my lips against hers. It was more than anything I could’ve imagined. Her mouth at first was static, unsure of what she should be doing, but she relaxed into it quickly and soon our mouths were exploring everything the kiss had to offer. Her lips tasted of strawberry vaseline. I decided strawberry was my favourite new flavour. I brought my hands to the back of her head, grasping her hair tightly with my fingers, pulling her in for more of what we may not have again. I was desperate to keep her in my grasp, somewhere in the embrace she had wrapped her arms underneath mine around the top of my back. The skin tingled where her touch had been. I poured every ounce of love I had for her in that kiss, every tear shed in missing her, every time my heart throbbed upon seeing her, every damn time I had gone to the mirror and saw her standing behind me. It was only open mouthed kissing, but it held all of the emotion I had kept away from her, it showed her exactly how much I love her...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a twist in the tale, and one that's actually good for Emma and Regina! Where do you guys think this will be going next?


	14. A Love Too Strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

**Emma’s point of view.**

Regina’s lips were soft against mine. My eyes closed the moment we connected, allowing this precious gift to fall into place. I pulled her in close, loving the feel of the contours of her body melding in with mine. I had forgotten about the pain, Regina was using no magic but she made the pain dissipate with one touch. I was shaking as I brought my hands up to caress her back, thankfully she didn’t seem to notice. I could just touch the ends of her hair, it tickled my fingers. I twisted my head so I could deepen the long awaiting kiss that I never could have expected. Her hands were around the back of my neck but she lowered them to my hips so she could push me lightly backwards. She fell on top of me, holding me firmly against the back of the couch, I’m sure causing further damage to my broken body …not that i cared in that beautiful moment.

Visions of my diary came back to me. Countless times I had written down how I would respond to Regina if she saw any marks or found out my weakness. I didn’t realize I would need those responses now to keep myself from crying out at the love I felt radiating through her lips towards me. How had I missed this before? How could I not have seen that everything I wanted was within my grasp? I began to question whether Regina was really my weakness.

Eventually she pulled away from me and stood, looking down to me. I sat for a moment, expecting something more before tears pricked my eyes as I realized the whole ordeal was a big mistake that was never meant to happen. I could see it in her eyes, she didn’t want this, she didn’t want me. I must have been dreaming to have ever thought that Regina wanted me. I looked towards the ceiling, ignoring the throb in my ribs that were now causing a great deal of pain, though the pain aching in my chest was far worse than any physical bruise someone could mark me with. I won’t cry. I walked out of the living room and into the hallway to get my jacket. My breathing was doing all sorts of weird things, trying to regulate itself from the intimate interaction only moments ago alongside the pitchy breathing that comes with crying that I was trying to push away. Coming here was a mistake. I should have known that Regina would play me this way, everyone could trick me into anything. I didn’t know what she wanted from me and I didn’t care. Maybe she saw how in fucking love with her I am and decided to fuck me over with emotions. Or maybe she had spoken to Hook about these weaknesses and they decided to test how weak I was. _How weak can you be Emma? You actually thought she wanted you? You actually thought she would want a nothing and a no one?_ I couldn’t keep the tears back any longer, allowing them to fall on the floor beneath me as I re-tied one of my laces.

“Emma please don’t go!” A pair of heels ran towards me and grabbed my wrist, ripples of pain shooting through my arm from the bruise Hook had left the previous night. I winced, slightly crying out which made Regina loosen her grip a little. I turned to face her, forbidden tears strolling down my blotchy red face. _So fucking weak_. Her eyes softened, she pulled my wrist around her waist, I let the other one hang adjacent to it. We were imprinted into each other again, she leant her head forward, our foreheads resting against each other, her lips agonisingly close to mine.

“Don’t run away Emma. I want you. Please don’t push me away,” Her breath was hot against my lips as she whispered her plea. I sure as hell didn’t want to say no, but what if this was a trick? What if I was getting myself into more trouble by allowing myself to feel something for someone who may not feel anything back? I decided any time with Regina was good, I would deal with the consequences later, as always. I shook my head. She smiled warmly as she leant in close to kiss me once again. Her lips soft and tender, taking every possible chance to keep the moment alive. She stopped kissing me but held me close still, I realized there was purple smoke surrounding us.

My eyes adjusted to the dark light in Regina’s vault. Regina noticed my tears hadn’t evaporated, even in the dark. She grazed her thumb over my cheek, I felt my head ever so slightly rolling into her hand, the other still wrapped around my back. She gently pulled my head close, allowing me time and movement to back out if I needed to, as if I would ever want to. My body followed into a tighter embrace than it was previously. She kissed my neck once…and then twice and then multiple times. Just light, sweet soft kisses caressing the length of my neck, so beautifully peaceful. I felt my head rolling to the other side to allow her access. She trailed light kisses from the bottom of my neck, over my chin, up to my lips. I kissed her back, allowing my arms to lace around her neck.

She pushed my jacket down my arms onto the floor before Regina’s fingers glided up my sleeved arm confidently. Then she pulled it, along with the one adjacent to it, down to her waist, creating closer contact if that was physically possible. Her kiss deepened, I felt something wet brush against my lips as her hands slid perfectly into mine. My mouth opened willingly, beginning a delicate dance between our tongues. I focused all of my energy into each and every movement, each taste, each further exploration. I felt her shuffling forwards, making me shuffle back until my calves bumped something. She pushed my shoulders gently down, forcing the kiss to break and sat on top of me. I realised we were on a bed, she kept it here for anytime someone she cared about needed some place to hide…or for situations like this, I suppose.

I had noticed long ago how beautiful her collar bone was, up close was like seeing it in blue-ray. This I will have to admit, is one of the most beautiful parts of Regina Mills. I kissed it before she had a chance to grasp my lips again and sucked a little. I did it over and over again, following the bone with my lips. My lips replaced by tiny red marks that would vanish as soon as they were created. I didn’t want to mark such perfect skin. I felt her nails scratch my head when she rolled her fingers into my hair, a stifled moan leaving her mouth.

Her hand cupped my chin and brought my face close to hers again, we kissed passionately, unafraid of each other’s reactions now. I was beginning to believe that she really wanted this…really wanted me. Maybe this isn’t a trick. Her hands travelled along my body innocently, exploring my thin frame with a gentle touch. I was thankful she didn’t notice how much weight I had lost, or maybe she had and she just didn’t question it. I was also thankful she didn’t press down on any part of my skin, if she would have pressed on a bruise, I don’t know how I would’ve concealed the pain. I realized then that all of her touches had been made out of love. Her hands drifted slowly over my breasts, went to my waist, then back to my breasts. I longed for her to hold them but I knew she couldn’t. Not right now at least.

I picked her up lightly, anguished over my muscles that could not bare the weight it used to. She noticed and dropped herself to the floor before I had chance to put her on the bed. Apparently she was also able to read my mind as she sat on the bed before sliding out of her heels and moving backwards to lie on it. She was letting me have control… I don’t know what I’m doing! I improvise. I climb on top of her, straddling her hips, bending over so my face is inches away from hers. Regina’s eyes flickered open, a dark lust flooding them accompanied with a playful grin. I smiled back nervously but with the same lustfulness my new - hopefully permanent - lover had. I began kissing her on the lips with the same passion as when we had broken off. Her tongue tangoed with mine before I slid it out over her bottom lip and down her neck. She moaned appreciatively.

I continued kissing her body as I unbuttoned the delicate silk blouse keeping Regina modest. I was rewarded with a black lace bra that had no other material underneath, showing the true extent of her arousal through her nipples. I pulled her into a sitting position, allowing the silk to slide down her arms, off of her body before discarding it on the floor. Regina decided to undo the bra herself. I stared deep into her eyes as she allowed her breasts to hang freely in front of me.

Before I could control myself I pushed her so she was lying down again, and began grazing my tongue over her breasts, then her nipples. She cried out on the first one, allowed her back to arc so my mouth would be fuller. Fuller of Regina. I flicked my tongue lovingly against her pleasurable spots, each time being rewarded with a moan. I sat up again to pull her tight pencil skirt down which was easy. I looked back at her, she was touching herself where I had already been, I liked that she missed my touch. I began pulling her tights down. They peeled away gracefully until I got to her feet. They took more tugging there.

“Oh for fuck’s sake…” I mumbled under my breath. I wasn’t quiet enough though and she giggled at my inability to undress a woman. She sat up and pulled her panties down, then her tights when she reached them. They fell to the floor, no longer wanted or needed. She was still giggling when she pulled me in between her legs and back on top of her. It made me smile, soon we were both giggling lightly until a crashing kiss brought us both back to a beautiful reality.

I let my fingers glide down her soft skin, past her stomach, down to where I knew Regina wanted me. She never forced me into anything. It was all my choice. I circled her clit lightly, the pressure on the hardened bud making the most pleasant noises escape from her mouth. I was going softly, not really sure of what I was doing. The more she moaned though, the more excited I became. I built up the pressure a little more, letting my fingers slide to wherever they wanted to. I was greeted with a gasp when they circled her entrance.

I smiled.

“Regina, is this okay?” My nerves seemed to seep through the question, I wanted permission before trying anything else with perfect woman, something I had been deprived of this last year. My fingers were dangerously close to slipping inside her. She opened her eyes, looking directly into mine. Kindness and love told me I was doing it right but she was going to help me anyway. Her mouth didn’t move but her hand did. She brought it down over my hand until she could feel my fingers with her own. Her index finger and middle finger then pushed mine into unchartered territory. My eyes went wide, my jaw dropped. I don’t know why but I wasn’t expecting that. I must have looked terrified because Regina giggled a little making her inner walls clench around me. Still smiling she pulled on my hand a little then pushed it back in. It was a slow, gentle rhythm but she seemed ecstatic.

“Now you take control…Miss Swan,” My turn to moan, though I managed to swallow it in time. She put her hand back behind her head with the other one and closed her eyes again. I kept going at the same rhythm for a while, until I heard her whimper ‘more’. I felt brave enough to go faster, so I did, accidently I went harder too but she bit her bottom lip when I went harder… It’s most likely the sexiest thing I’ve seen.

_So the queen likes it rough huh?_

Without warning or hesitation, I pulled the two fingers that were inside Regina out, and replaced them with a third. She moaned loudly, my smile grew bigger at her reactions. I started going faster, burying myself inside her over and over again. Each thrust was met with a moan or a whimper that swooped low in the octaves of Regina’s vocal range. Each sound was an extraordinary song, piecing together one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I swept my thumb over her clit, the lubricant spreading as I did so. I thought that I didn’t want this to end, so sometimes I would slow it all down so I could watch her build back up again. Eventually she begged ‘please’ and I couldn’t make her wait any longer. I thrust into her harder and circled her clit languidly, slowly, the opposing sensations making Regina almost whimpering with want. I kept going until her legs were quivering around me, her final moan low, sensual, drawn out into a loving cry. Her back arched off the bed, her hands gathered the sheets into balls in her hands. I kept my fingers inside her, enjoying each contraction as her walls pulsed around me, she rode out every one. When I knew she was calm, I slowly pulled out, she whimpered at the loss.

I crawled up to lay beside her, laying an arm around her waist. She turned to face me and pulled me into a hug. Our faces close, close enough to kiss if we had wanted and we did. So we did. We kissed with the same amount of passion as before Regina’s orgasm, it made me believe she wanted me for me, not just for sex or a trick as I had thought earlier.

“Can I take this off?” She pulled at the hem of my sweater. I panicked and rolled off the bed, landing in a heap on the floor. She didn’t understand, she scrambled over to check I was okay.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to...I just thought...yeah,” She rolled over, curling up to protect herself. _From me? Oh gosh, I’m sorry!_ I got up slowly, making sure I hadn’t hurt myself further then walked to the other side of the bed and got in. She was trying to wipe a tear away but I got there first. I held her cheek in my hand, with barely any strength I pulled her face up to make eye-contact. I looked into sullen brown eyes, in my mind I promised her the world, I promised her that she would always be safe, I promised her that I was going to be strong for her and I promised her that she would always have my love. I gently kissed her, we could have deepened it, made it more passionate if we had wanted but everything seemed to be said without any of that.

“I have to go for a little while, but will you wait for me? Will you wait a few days, maybe weeks until I can come back to you?” I whispered tenderly as though someone else might hear my plea of love. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, with a smile she nodded then kissed me once more. I smiled down at her caressing her cheek as I did so. Then I got up and left, thinking I could grab my red jacket when I came back from doing what I needed to do.


	15. Bravery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for leaving such a long gap between the last chapter and this one, I had a lot of work to do but I'm back now! I will try to update as much as possible. This chapter is a little short, probably shorter than any of the others but I didn't want to include details that would take away from the point of what is happening. I also needed to get back into writing again. Thank you to those who have waited and continued to show support throughout this story!   
> Warnings: Physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Rape.

**Hook’s point of view.**

Bravery will get you one of two things. The first; something you have wanted or needed, something you have fought valiantly for. The elation from this prize is beyond compare but it contrasts drastically to its counterpart. That being the second thing bravery will get you; death. Or at least negative consequences but for the most part death. When someone betrayed the Queen of Hearts she cut off their head. When someone stole from Captain Blackbeard they’d walk the plank, if he was having a good day. When someone upset the Evil Queen - soft as she may be now - they would either be kept as slaves, turned into something else or killed. I can only be sympathetic towards Emma Swan with her current bout of bravery. It’s not difficult to assume where her ‘bravery’, if that’s what it is, will get her. I smile, thinking of all the ways she will pay tonight.

The door closes quietly, as if that would make difference. She’s over an hour late. I hear her padding the necessary path to the stairs before evenly climbing up them. She’s not running. That unnerves me slightly. When she knows she’s going to get punished she panics, usually trying desperately to get her way out of it by making up time, well trying to. This is different. This is calm. I push dirt around under my nails on my left hand and use my new device in my right while I wait for her to find me in the bedroom. I hear a door open but she abandons it immediately. The door to the bedroom opens a second later.

“Where’ve you been, Swan?” I drawl at her without bothering to draw my eyes from the contraption Henry called a ‘phone’. I must say it’s significantly changed my life, especially with pirating in this realm. Paintings seem to be much more valuable and easier to come by than they were in my time.

“I-- I’m leaving.” She went over to the wardrobe, pulling her case down from on top. Before it hit the floor my hand flew to the top of her arm, gripping it so tightly she yelped. The suitcase dropped to the floor, dangerously close to her toes. I smiled, knowing it wouldn’t be long before she allowed the fear to take over again.

“Let go of me Hook!” I was shocked by her outburst but my grip only tightened further. I pulled her arm back forcing her to lean back on to me. Her head far enough back for me to whisper in her ear, a whisper was all I would need.

“Where have you been eh? Out fucking that witch you like?” I had always said it for pain before, I never believed she had actually gone out and fucked Regina. I knew she was too scared that Regina wouldn’t like her back though the attraction was painfully obvious. That’s probably why I didn’t expect the defiant nod her head gave a few seconds later. Her eyes were wide, I thought with fear but it seemed more defiance. I looked at her. I really looked at her. Then that was it.

I can’t explain it, what happened to me. What is happening to me? I’ve never been this angry before, my vision is centering on Emma, nothing else is breaking through. I feel heat rise through my body, all the way up to my eyes which are hot with fury. Why am I shaking? I have never shaken with anger before, nothing has ever made me this passionate. _NO. You are my wife. You will stay mine_. Is this what they call blind anger?

I turned her around and pushed her up against the wall hard. Her head bounced off it, resembling something like a ping pong ball, throwing her into a daze. I watched her legs struggling to support the rest of her body. I didn’t care. I belted her on the right cheek. She fell to the floor then looked up in horror. She was right to do so in a way. I had never been this way with her but I can’t help but believe she fucking deserves it. _Nobody cheats on me!_

I grabbed fistfuls of her hair and used it to drag her onto the bed. She lay on her back barely able to breathe, in a panic attack I think but again don’t care. I punch her right cheek hard, my middle knuckle hitting the socket of her eye slightly. Then I use my other hand to punch closer to her lip, it split. I lifted her head up and threw it down on the bed again. It probably wouldn’t hurt her but the adrenaline forced me to do things that didn’t make sense. She was writhing beneath me desperately trying to escape but it was no use. She was too weak to get out from under me. I could see her eyes trying to regain focus after the fight between my hands and her head. I jabbed her in the ribs with my knees over and over again until she stopped moving. I could barely breathe the fury raging through me coursing into my actions further than even I would usually take them. _But how do I stop now? I can’t stop_.

She went still. Crying but still. God do I wish she would stop fucking crying. I kept myself on top of her but pulled her pants down. Her thighs were littered with scratched from my jeans from the last time we fucked. Again I felt her trying to move. I should let her. I should let her go… But I don’t. Instead I rip her underwear apart and push my fingers onto her clit, hard. It wasn’t for pleasure and the sound choked from her throat told me she wasn’t finding it pleasurable. For the first time I wasn’t smiling. I wasn’t enjoying this. But I couldn’t stop. More to the point, I wouldn’t.

I rubbed around her clit, lightly teasing her. I knew that beneath it all, Emma’s body would respond to me whether she wanted it or not and the mental damage of it would haunt her forever. She had done so to me once before, only once. I knew how to play her body even when her mind didn’t want it. I rubbed around and dipped my fingers in lightly, feeling her become wet.

“No please. I don’t want this.” I heard her whisper behind me but I didn’t care. I dipped my fingers inside one last time. She didn’t make a sound.

I turned over and undressed, still pinning her down. Her eyes looked at me pleadingly to stop. She knew talking would do her no good, no point in wasting her breath. I lowered myself down then pushed inside her. She covered her face with her hands. I moved slowly, the way she liked it. She kept shaking her head. I didn’t care.

It was a slow and lengthy process consisting of her repeatedly shaking her head, but eventually I felt her walls close involuntarily around me. As she came down I leant forward, my lips next to her ear.

“You gonna tell your whore that you came for me huh? You mustn't love her if you came for me,” She choked out a sob. Then another. I got off her and moved into the bathroom. The mirror showed a man I no longer truly recognised. The fire burnt low, but it was still there. If she stayed on the bed, away from me, it would burn out completely. As much as I enjoy the things I do to Emma, I never want it to go this far again. I bent my head towards the sink then brought some of the water up to my face. When looked in the mirror again Emma was behind me.

“I hate you.” _I wish you would’ve stayed in there Swan_. The heat rose again, the fire came back.


	16. The Evil Queen Returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys I have some stuff to explain here so please bare with me.  
> Firstly: I have a 3 week intensive module coming up at uni which means I probably won't be able to update until the end of March.   
> Secondly: This chapter is quite short again but I honestly couldn't work on it any longer. It's very graphic, and may cause various trigger warnings. I probably won't cover all of them. Plus as I was writing it 'Emma's theme' from the album came on and I was like nooooooo.  
> Lastly: Thank you for all of your support over the course of this story. This is by no means the end but I've found myself struggling to continue with this and commenters have kept me going with it.   
> Trigger Warnings: Graphic imagery, rape, abuse (all of them), nudity.

**Regina’s point of view.**  

My eyes were telling me lies. They had to be. This scene in front of me isn’t real. This isn’t… This would never… Henry’s phone fell from my hands and the screen shattered across the wooden floor. I don’t care right now, I don’t care about anything but Emma. I realise I’m forcing myself to walk towards the woman I love. Why am I walking so slowly? I should be rushing to her side, she needs me! But the muscles in my legs were frozen solid. Thawing them out would take some doing. I thanked everything I had that I hadn’t brought Henry with me. This would easily have broken his heart, as it was mine.

Henry had been frantic when he rode from Violet’s to my house. He said he would’ve called but he wanted to keep Emma on the phone and he had to get to the closest point of contact that could help. I only lived a few blocks away from where Violet lived. He thrust the phone in my hand and told me his mother had called him and that was as far as he gotten. I knew from the look on his face what had happened, everything we had come up with over the last few weeks had been right. Hook was abusing Emma. To say I was filled with fury would be an understatement. But when the purple smoke cleared into Emma’s front room all of the fury changed into something so much worse. Worry.

I think about whether magic would be able to heal her in this situation, but I know that anything superficial is all I can heal. Broken bones, torn muscles, internal bleeding...anything that wasn’t a simple cut could damage Emma more. Dr Whale might have been able to do more, but he had given up using magical solutions when his experiments were unsuccessful. But it was the closest hospital to Storybrooke so Emma would be ending up there either way which is why I decide to call for an ambulance as I take in the scene in front of me.

Emma is completely naked, but she could easily have been dressed with all of the colours covering her body. Where there was skin it was pale, the kind of pale that meant a person hadn't been taking care of themselves properly. There’s a splattering of blood on the floor and the wall in front of her, the cause currently unknown. Her back is facing me, her spine pushing harshly against part skin part bruise. My hands are shaking I’m so scared to turn her over. _What if she isn’t breathing? Where is the blood coming from?_

Gingerly I pull her shoulder back, ensuring my other hand is rested on her back so she doesn’t fall, the phone propped up between my ear and shoulder. I'm terrified, touching her could be hurting her, especially touching those bruises. Any pressure on any part of her body could make a bone break. She isn't as thin as some of the worst cases we see in this in realm, but she certainly isn't healthy either. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I caused more pain than she had already endured. Gently her back hits the floor, I force myself not to look until I have her in the recovery position on her other side. I don’t know what I was expecting before, but it certainly wasn’t this. I closed my eyes shut tightly and tried to stop the tears but there was no stopping the reaction to this.

Emma’s face is completely disfigured, swollen in most places, blood smeared across her forehead and bruises of black, purple and green were painted everywhere. Her nose is most likely broken but it's hard to tell where that is at the moment. Across her neck are bruises from where she had clearly been strangled. There are other various cuts and bruises covering her chest and stomach as well, alongside a part of her ribcage that was sticking out in an unusual way. I wondered how long she had been left like this, how long she had been alone. I bite my lip, thinking about how I could've stopped this if I'd have just tried harder. Why hadn’t I noticed before how thin she is? Even her unbroken ribs are sticking angrily through her skin, in fact so are most of her bones. She’s so cold but I’m thankful she’s breathing through her mouth. What catches my attention most is the dripping sound that I can’t place.

I thought I had checked everywhere but there was one place I didn’t want to invade. One place that should be kept private. New tears stung my eyes as I realised that yet another crime had occurred. Another scar on this beautiful body, accompanying another horrifying memory for her to endure when she awakens.  _If_ she awakens. A towel appeared in my hand which I placed between her legs, trying to soak the blood and hopefully give more comfort to the cuts on her inner thighs. I leant down next to hear ear as I held Emma whispering 'I'm so sorry.'

The lady on the other end of the phone is very calm and patient considering she can barely understand a word I’m saying through all the crying and screaming. I always had been too emotional under pressure, it was just getting harder to control these days. She said she would send an ambulance and police car to Emma’s house immediately to investigate, as I stroked Emma’s hair and held her in the recovery position. She tried to keep me on the phone which I was more than willing to do since I had no knowledge in this area. But then something occurred to me. I cut the phone dead.

Where the fuck is Hook?

I’m stuck in a difficult situation. I want to find that bastard and reach down his throat to tear his intestines out. I wonder if a person can survive without their intestines? Because I don’t want him dead. Oh no. I want him alive, but he will sure as hell want to be dead. I wasn’t going to leave Emma though, she was more important, she’s always more important. An idea came to me, it wasn’t ideal but it was the best I had. No way was anyone else going to get to him before me! After I know Emma is safe, I'll be returning to decide his fate.

I use magic to transport myself and Emma up to her bedroom to find Hook looking strangely somber. I'm not sure how I knew he was in the bedroom, but there he was. He’s sat hunched over, almost crying as far as I can see until he looks up. He’s clocked me and his expression darkened immediately. I’m going to hurt you very, very badly. It takes me less than a second to think about what I want to do first. Using magic I dragged him out of bed and threw him against the wall, I start undoing his pants. His neck was held strongly against the wall, lifting him up off the floor.

“What the fuck did you do?” angry tears spilling from my eyes. “You did this! You did this and look at what you did! Look at what you fucking did!” I kept my focus and one hand held up to him in a choking motion. He looked terrified. _You should be_. His pants fell to the floor, leaving him bare. I can hear the sirens approaching but my boiling blood won’t cool. _He will pay._

I couldn’t remove the image of Emma being raped by him from my head. I couldn’t remove the image of anything I had seen from my mind or the imaginary videos of what could have happened that came with them, but the blood that had now stopped dripping from her was still on my hand in places and it spurred me on. Now I had him in the most vulnerable position I could get him, I wanted to find a way to deal with him that didn’t involve me having to touch him, mostly because I didn't want to, but also because I was still holding Emma in the recovery position. I looked around for inspiration, finding a candlestick on the table to the right of us. I smiled, elevating the object towards me.

“I wonder, have you ever been forced to do something you didn’t want to do? Have something ever been forced inside you that wasn’t supposed to be there?” The look in his eyes was a mixture of confusion and horror. I held the stick up and grinned. Watching the fear in his eyes grow into something darker was something I will think back on fondly. I can’t describe what happened next, but I can say that he was in pain. I can say there was blood. I can say he won’t be pooping comfortably for quite a while.

"You deserve to rot in hell. You deserve the worst punishment." I felt my anger take over and slowly I drained the life from his body. I smiled as I did it. He fucking deserved this. I enjoyed the feeling of his pulse slowing. It doesn’t feel the same as it does when you’re doing it with your hands, it’s like you feel your own heart slowing. The blood in your own veins working but failing to keep your body working. But I didn’t want him to die. That would be too kind. So I stopped. Just before he died I stopped.

The door opened and men and women in uniform came in. They stood still for a moment, clearly shocked by the scene in front them before I was screaming for them to do something and their brains seemed to start working again. I looked around, making sure David wasn’t with them though I knew it was his night off. I looked Emma. _My sweet girl_. I watched as they worked quickly to get her in a blanket and on to a gurney. They told me I could go with her but before I did I turned to Hook.

“You will never escape me. Do you understand? I will haunt you for the rest of your life and beyond. You will be paying for this.” One of the women had got his hands behind his back and was busy wrapping silver around them. His eyes fixated angrily on to me. “Oh, and enjoy sitting down,”

I went downstairs and got in the ambulance with Emma.

On the way to the hospital I held Emma’s hand tightly. I could only she knew someone was with her. I learnt that one of the paramedics had some experience with magic but he advised to wait until a doctor had seen her. The grave expression he gave told me her chances of survival, with or without magic. He also said that with the injuries presented, they would most likely have to operate when she got to there. I was getting annoyed with crying, I felt utterly useless. I wanted to do something but I knew I couldn’t and the frustration of it all was keeping the tears going.

As we rode I called Snow. Someone needed to get to Henry, he was probably in hysterics by now and he shouldn’t be left alone. I didn’t tell her much, just that something bad had happened and I would update her when I knew more. Of course her maternal instincts kicked in, she was desperate to get to the hospital but I couldn’t have Henry here as well. It would just be too much. I promised I would call her when we got to the hospital and when I knew what treatment Emma would be facing within the hour. I ended the call and turned back to Emma. _It’s going to be okay. I promise you._


	17. Tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm back. Hopefully going to be updating regularly from now on but no promises. Let me know what you think about this chapter :)

**Snow’s point of view.**

When I was younger my mother died. She was my life, my inspiration, the person I looked up to with every hope and dream. I remember sitting at her side after it happened. She looked so beautiful, so serene. It was as though she was just sleeping and any moment she would wake up, take me into her arms and read a story to me. I wanted to touch her. Maybe if I touched her she would wake up. I remember softly running the knuckles on my right hand down her arm. So softly I was barely touching her, as though applying any further pressure would make her porcelain skin crack and shatter. I cried when she died.

Growing up without her wasn’t as bad as they say. I had imagined years of sadness, I was told every little girl needed a mother. But my father worked really hard to keep me happy, we rode horses together, we painted, he read stories to me like Mom used to. If there was something he couldn’t fix or didn’t know how to, he would ask my personal maid to help me.  He made sure I always came first. When Regina started becoming a more prominent part of our lives, he always set time aside for me, he always proved I was the most important person in his life. Then one day he died, just like Mother. All the warmth and happiness that surrounded my home dissipated into nothing. It was as though nothing good had ever happened there. I didn’t spend very long in the castle when he died anyway, Regina was soon after me for my own death after Daniel. When he died, again I cried.

Over the years there have many occurrences when Charming could have died. We’ve been separated more times than I can count, some for longer time periods than others. There were times when I thought I would never see him again, or if I did it would be in a coffin.There were times when he depended on me to rescue him and I had been terrified that I couldn’t live up to the expectations and evidently, I would lose him. I remember talking to Neal, telling him everything would be okay, his daddy would always come home to him. I said those words with uncertainty and every night when I was alone thinking of him, I would end up in tears.

One could say I’m a very teary person. Through my bandit years, I managed to toughen up a little, but I experienced very little heartbreak during that time. The cure for becoming ‘stronger’ was to isolate myself from everyone. Everyone I loved was already dead at the time anyway. I thought that I had a lot of experience dealing with pain, I thought if anything happened in the future I would be adept at handling it in a way that benefited myself and those I love. But my isolation has ended, so the tears tend to return.

Why am I not crying? Walking into the hospital I was numb. I felt nothing. David’s fingers were laced through mine, holding them so strongly the smallest one almost broke as he leads the way to Emma’s room. He was following directions Regina had given him, but it wasn’t hard to follow the signs nailed to the hospital walls. We had left Neal with Granny, who was more than happy to babysit. We didn’t tell her what happened, just that we would be back soon. She seemed worried but was soon focused on Neal when he began crying. We wanted Henry to stay with them but he was certainly his mother’s son. So darn stubborn. Given the circumstances, no one was willing to argue. I was almost bouncing with anxiety and adrenaline and David was struggling to keep his fists to himself. He wouldn’t ever hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it but we both knew where Hook was being held and it’s safe to say that there needs to be a discussion about how we deal with him. David’s fists told me how he wanted to handle him.

David had a conversation with Regina at some point in the night. He was murmuring as best as he could but I could hear what they were talking about. When Regina had found Emma, she had done something to Hook. I still don’t know what specifically but David was grinding his teeth as she spoke with a slight smirk adorning his features. David was by no means evil, but I could see the clockwork in his head enjoying the thought of creating Hook’s punishment. _He deserves to suffer. Regina is absolutely allowed to begin that suffering._

We would think about all of that later though. Right now it’s Emma who needs the focus, the attention. Hook doesn’t deserve my thoughts, my worries...my heartbreak. He doesn’t deserve my currently non-existent tears, the bile rising up in my throat, the strong pulsing my heart is drumming into my ears. He doesn’t deserve the constant shaking, the sleepless night as we waited to hear from Regina or the way David had begun separating himself from me to grieve in his own way. He doesn’t deserve Emma. He never did.

“We should have known, David.” I stopped, slumping down against the wall for a moment. The cold paint soothed my aching back in a way I wouldn’t have expected. It was nice, I hated that it was nice. Nothing about this is nice. I wanted to see Emma and be there for her, of course, I did. I’m her mother. I want to hold her hand and tell her that everything is going to be okay. But I was terrified. Terrified of the way she would look, of seeing the things he had done to her. Terrified of the fact that she might not even survive, and if she did what would truly be left her? Terrified of my own reaction to what has happened. I had barely ever seen or heard Regina cry...she was definitely crying, or had been, on our phone calls.

“What do you mean Snow?” David had slumped next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder whilst Henry stood awkwardly off to one side of the corridor. I could feel him shaking around me, the want to see his daughter so strong he could barely stay still. I felt selfish but I couldn’t help it.

“The amount of times Emma has come home...all the changes we’ve noticed, the weight loss, random bruises caused by ‘clumsiness’, her lack of appetite...how did we miss it? Our daughter--” I stopped talking. What words could possibly make any of this easier, better? Nothing would make this better. The images flashing across my mind were probably so much worse than the reality, but imagining how Emma might look now was so unbearable. It was haunting. David held me for a few moments longer, the same images most likely flitting through his own mind. Then he stood and held his hand out to me. He didn’t offer anything supportive as he usually would. For once he seemed in agreement with me, which confirmed my thoughts. We had both failed as parents, we will both be punishing ourselves long after Emma’s injuries are healed - if they heal.

Henry was strolling slowly behind us. He also blamed himself. He told us about everything that had happened, the meetings, the evidence, Hook’s sudden disliking to him… We had been silenced at first, unsure of how to respond. I was furious at Regina, she shouldn’t have put him in a position like she had. But on the other hand, how else would they figure out what was going on? Emma was barely leaving the house anymore, now I understand why. I asked Henry why he hadn’t told us but as he was about to speak David told him there was no point in fussing now. It made sense. To just keep quiet, let it be and wait for Regina to call. But waiting around is harder than it seems.

We turned right into the final corridor labelled ‘Intensive Care Unit’. Emma had been taken to a ‘normal’ hospital, one where magic wasn’t performed. Regina tried to fight for her to be taken to their local hospital but her injuries were severe and the small hospital we had wouldn’t be able to cope with the lack of facilities and medical professionals. Regina explained to me in the night that her condition was too complex for magic to fix. ‘It could do more harm than good’. Perhaps if she made it into a more conscious state she would be able to choose whether she underwent a magic treatment. For now it was all about 50 minute drives, needles, operations, tubes, wires and whatever else came with this form of treatment.

Regina was stood in the corridor leaning against a wall, her eyes closed. She looked serene, almost at peace and it gave me hope that things weren’t as bad as we had thought. But her eyes snapped open when Henry’s sneaker squeaked against the pristine floor and all my hope died. She looked utterly worn out now she was looking at us. Most of make up had either been rubbed or cried off revealing the lines and dark circles under her eyes, her hair was flattened in places from where she’d leaned against walls or chairs and there was blood on parts of her pale blue blouse. It scared me. David noticed everything I was noticing and squeezed my hand tighter.

“How is she?” Regina looked at David with an expression that was so solemn, I couldn’t hold back my vomit. I ran to the nearest toilet a couple of doors down and locked myself into a cubicle. Vomiting didn’t make me feel any better. The nerves were equally as prominent as before. I closed the lid on the toilet and sat on top, dipping my head into my hands. This will be one of the most difficult things I’ll ever have to face. I can only imagine how Henry must be feeling. _I knew we should have made him stay with Granny_.

I flushed the toilet and washed my hands and face in the sink. Looking in the mirror was a bad mistake, I looked worse than Regina. My own hair was sticking out where it could, I had gotten the call from Regina in the early evening before I had chance to take off the small amount of makeup I was wearing so black eyeliner was smeared beneath my left eye, spots were growing in various places and my lips were charred. _I’m a mess_. I fixed the eyeliner then went back out to the others.

“She’s not doing amazingly but considering everything she’s been through, the doctors are happy with her condition. She’s stable but she had a lot of internal problems and she looks…” Regina looked away from David but caught me instead, allowing me to witness a few shed tears being scrubbed away.

I turned away to wipe my own eyes. Why am I not crying? I frowned. Why hadn’t we noticed that Henry didn’t come down to Emma’s room with us? He was standing at the end of the corridor in between the double doors just looking between us and his feet. His hands were dug deep into his pockets, he allowed his hair to fall in front of his eyes. This was new territory for me, one that I probably shouldn’t be approaching in this condition. I turned to David and Regina, they were in a low serious conversation. I had overheard bits of it, broken bones, damage to organs, previous unhealed injuries… It just spelled Emma probably won’t survive.

Regina was calling me then, her hand on my shoulder. David was holding my hand again. Clearly they were ready to go and see her. Regina watched me observing Henry, then noticed Henry herself.. She gave my shoulder a tight squeeze before walking down the corridor to Henry. In a pair of flats. David turned to me, his hands on my shoulders.

“This won’t be easy Snow. She’s not in a good condition, she’s not conscious, but they are hopeful she will survive. What we need to do is be there for her. We need to stand strong together and make sure we support our daughter with whatever comes next.” I nodded in agreement. He took hold of my hand and led me towards the door. I caught a glimpse of her through the window, it's blinds partially agape. My mouth formed the shape of an O, the heat racing through my body got to my head, my knees wobbled as I tried to walk in step with David - who really wasn’t walking all that fast at all. I closed my eyes, allowing the image to sink into my brain. When I opened them the tears finally fell.


	18. The Adults.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey, I'm back! Uni has now ended for the summer and I hope to finish this before I go back which means there will most likely be weekly (maybe more frequently) updates. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, but I hope those of you who are still with me enjoy what's to come! The sun is far from setting on this one.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry if this one is a little short, I'm writing it directly on to AO3 rather than using Word like I normally would so I can't check how long it is. I'm just going to go with my gut instinct on when this should end.

**Henry's point of view.**

 

_I let her down._

The statement spread as a virus would through my nervous system, through each twist of the brain that connected my mind to my body, to my memory, to my heart, my emotions. Each time the words marched through my hippocampus, a part of my body burned more. My fingertips, my head, my knees, my heart. Grandma and Grandpa blamed themselves, but how could they? They weren't there, they weren't practically watching what was going on, noting her injuries down like she was some sort of experimental case then feeding the findings back to three other people who claimed to care about her as well! 

I went to the adults because they were supposed to know what to do. They were always saying it wasn't my job to deal with the important stuff, I'm only a child, there's nothing I can do. Yeah well clearly there's nothing they can do either is there! They watched as she got hurt over and over and over again until she couldn't stand it anymore! Until her body couldn't cope with the abuse inflicted night after night after night! We watched as she stopped talking to us, stopped visiting us! We did nothing when she was practically crying out for help! We don't deserve to have her back... Mom should've done something... She should have...

My eyes were a blurry mess, red patches of skin flared up over my face as I looked at my mother in the hospital bed. The adults decided it would be best to let me have my time with her, once Mom finally got me in the damn room. They didn't ask me, they just decided it would be that way because what the fuck right? My opinion in everything is invalid and unwanted. It was my first time alone with her since... The water stained my cheeks, reminding me that I shouldn't be crying.

It was my fault.

I hate everyone. I hate everyone and everything. I even hate Ma. She could have done something, she could have come to me, spoken to me. I would've done anything to keep her safe, I would have called Grandpa, I'd have punched Hook's face until he was unrecognizable - there's still a possibility of that happening. I would have even used magic. No. I can't think like that, Ma couldn't have done anything. I just wish she would have believed I would save her like she saved me so many time before.

I looked at her again. Her face was badly bruised and cut in places, her neck was too. The blanket covered everything else but I knew there was damage my heart couldn't handle. The adults were sitting outside, at one point they had gone to get coffee, telling me they would be back in a few minutes. They still wouldn't tell me anything about what had happened to her. I was glad they weren't near. She called me! She called me and I went and got help! Surely if anyone should know what was going on it's me!

I was sat at the end of her bed, I would've held her hand but it was bandaged and the other one was hooked up to all kinds of wires as her arm was too badly hurt for the nurses to find a vein. Dr. Whale had been to visit her, he had examined her notes to see if she was well enough to, A, be healed by magic without causing further injury and B, see if she was well enough to even be transferred to the hospital in Storybrooke. 

No. To Both.

It was bad news, it meant her internal injuries were too bad for her to be healed by magic without messing something else up. I had learned enough about the stuff to know that much without anyone explaining it to me. Of course, if it got too bad, Dr. Whale was prepared to do his best to save her at the moment and deal with the consequences later... But magic always comes with a price, and I fear that the price would be too steep this time around.

It had been two weeks since the... Ma had been in and out of surgery multiple times. Something was wrong with her lungs, I thought so anyway. The doctors kept talking about how badly her airway had been blocked from... The oxygen was cut off from her brain and her lungs for a long period of time, so neither were working properly. She was on a ventilator to help her breathe normally, the doctors kept trying to take her off it but she could only go for a few minutes and a few hours before she needed it again. They said they were making progress but did they mean it or were they just trying to give us false hope?

I had calmed down a little. Thinking about the people who were trying to help her calmed me down a lot. I felt my heart rate beating as it normally would, my eyes still stinging from the tears but no tears were present anymore. Ma hadn't moved. I didn't expect her too. It was part of the oxygen thing, her lungs would begin working, then her brain would and then she could finally wake up. 

_I let her down._

I looked over at the clock on the wall then outside the window into the corridor. The adults weren't back. I needed to get out of here, do something. They wouldn't let me out of their sight...I guess they forgot I'm some sort of wanted criminal they had to keep an eye on. 

I went and lightly kissed Ma on her forehead, trying not to brush against anything that would cause her more pain, even though I knew she couldn't feel it. I lowered my head near to her ear, "I love you, Ma,' Then I put my hood up and strolled out of the hospital.

 

I don't know why, but I found myself back in Storybrooke. The hospital was around an hour's car ride out of town, it was the best in the state and the closest non-magical hospital to home. I had spare change left in my pocket from the last time I had worn this hoodie. I had taken Violet to an out of town carnival that was passing through with our group of friends. She had loved every moment and she kissed me on the cheek at the end of the night. It made me feel warm inside. 

A frown formed on my face. Now when I think of that night, I'll be thinking about how I could've been there to help Ma, could've been there to stop Hook. Instead, I was being a selfish child taking my girlfriend out on a date and spending time with our friends. I should've been there instead...

I walked through town. I passed some of the famous Storybrooke landmarks. Granny's Diner, The Clock Tower, my old school... The list goes on. I walked past Violet's house and considered going into her, but it wasn't fair on her to deal with me. I wasn't upset or sad, I was angry. For the first time in my life, I wanted to break my hand on a wall. Maybe I would.

Eventually, I found myself standing outside of Mom's house. This is exactly where I needed to be. I walked in, knowing that the protection spell stopping any robberies would allow me to pass through.

Looking around, I found that I wasn't really looking at anything specifically. I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to do. I unzipped my hoodie and threw it on the floor. I didn't care whether it would piss her off or not. This was her fault too. She could've done something. She should've done something! I felt the anger begin to boil throughout me again as I paced around the house. I needed to do something, anything to get this adrenaline to shift.

I took my shoes off and left my socks on, knowing I would fall on the marble floor in the front of the house. The first fall stung, I hit my knee and my nose. It wasn't enough. I kept running and I kept falling. I slid around. I punched a wall, the imprint of my fist permanently marked it. I knocked a vase over after falling into it and watched as it shattered, the pieces skidding across the floor. Still, I continued running. I started breaking the things I could see on purpose. I looked at my next target, the mirror. My Mom's favorite. I sprinted over and-- 

"Ah fuck!" 

I was on my ass. I had hit my head. I could feel the throbbing beginning already. I tried to move but I couldn't. I couldn't move anything. My eyes stung, they burned. I felt my face become wet again. My breathing got quicker. It hurts, it hurts everywhere. I'm so sorry...

_I let her down._


	19. Societal Teachings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta be honest with you guys, I'm really struggling with this fic. I'm hoping inspiration will come to me so I can update more frequently for you, but for now I hope this is enough.

**David's point of view.**

Belle called to let us know she had Henry, which was a relief but also a shock given that Henry must have opened the door for her to come in. I thought it was better for him to have gone home than to have come here, somewhere he would have been constantly reminded of the pain. Belle said he had hurt himself but she was cleaning him up and she would take him back to the shop to keep an eye on him until we had finished up. Regina and I - the oddest partnership since... Regina and anyone - were looking around Emma's house. 

Everything appeared normal. Except for the living room which had spatters of blood in places and a puddle off to one side. I had pulled out a pair of gloves I kept in my back pocket. The cold was still brewing across Storybrooke, as though Elsa herself was here to conjure it. Regina meanwhilst, was moving objects around with magic after taking photos of the scene on my phone. We had been here for over half an hour searching through the living room, trying to piece together a timeline. It was difficult. Both of us were keeping quiet unless we found something. 

Regina cursed, hissing under her breath. I looked over to the noise. "Regina are you-"

"Save it, Charming. I'm fine. I'm going to go...look upstairs." She said, unsure of herself somehow.

I nodded then cast my eyes down to the smashed vase. It was random, out of place, almost seemed staged to be there. That was impossible. We knew what happened, the basics at least and this was probably Hook trying to cover his tracks. I stood up, surverying the room, searching for anything that I may have missed. I sighed then looked towards the kitchen, thinking I may as well look in there.

My footsteps made the only noise in the room. They sounded full, concrete, confident. To someone listening in I could've been a powerful man pacing slowly with a brandy in his hand, thinking on how to solve a minor problem that could cost him millions of dollars. I felt fake. In reality, the soles of my shoes connecting with the wooden floorboards made that noise regardless of whether a person was confident or not, but it changed nothing about how I felt. I hurried on.

The kitchen was bare as kitchens go. There was nothing particularly odd, no strange placement of utensils and no knifes missing. I was certain there was nothing to find in there, but to avoid the living room for a little longer, I pretended to be scrutinising the floor until Regina's footsteps padded down the stairs. I acted like I hadn't heard her, but the jump I got from hearing her voice was no act. 

"I didn't pin Emma down as one to be into BDSM." It was a calm statement with anger seething in the undercurrents, both of us understanding the meaning behind her findings. It was a piece to the puzzel that fit so well it made tears creep down my face, unwanted theifs breaking into my emotions. Emma was always very simple with the men she liked. They were nice, patient, the type of men who seemed happy with vanilla sex in the bedroom. Of course, looks can be decieving, but the fact that Emma always chose a particular type of man suggested that she was interested in particluar things. If Hook had come out with this after they were married and Emma had fallen in love with him, then she would most likely try anything to keep him happy. from there he probably told her that he would tell everyone else about it if she tried to leave him... The thought of my little girl - to me - staying in an abusive relationship because she was embarrassed about what I would think.. 

Regina put her arm around my shoulders. It was tentative, she wasn't sure whether it was the right thing to do, whether it was something I would accept. She was so used to being pushed away...it was unfair. I turned into her and hugged her against me. After the shock had been registered she wrapped her arms around me as well. 

"I think that's enough for today." She whispered, her own breathing shallow and ragged.

We stood up and walked towards the front door together. I took a last look at the living room, knowing if there was anything else to be found, it would probably only be with clear eyes. Regina looked at me and nodded, understanding that I need to walk around one last time. She waited by the doorframe as I made my way around. I raised my eyebrow. Perhaps it wasn't always clear eyes that noticed the extra detail. I expected the confident, concise sounds that I heard earlier when I walked around, but then I didn't go near where Regina had tripped. A noise indicated a hollow space underneath floor. It seemed that Regina had tripped over, or around the table the leg, pulling it over somewhat and releasing a crack in the floorboard.

Regina's interest peaked as I knelt down to look at it, she crossed the room to me. Without hesitation, or a photograph, the floorboard was pulled off and placed on the table. There was nothing extrodinary upon first glance, but a book cover told you nothing until you read the contents. Which is exaclty what I planned on doing. This time I took photo of what appeared to be a diary before pulling it out of its hiding place. I looked at Regina, her eyes focused on the book, an expression of confusion and possibly fear across her face. I opened it up to the first page.

Honeymoon day 1:

I love Hook. I really do. he's generous, sweet, kind... But I'm not sure this it what I want. He gave me this so I could write things down, something about progress. I'm not sure what he means but I took it anyway and it seems to be a good idea to write in it just for fun if nothing else...

I skipped a couple of pages.

Honeymoon day 6:

We go home tomorrow. I don't want to. I don't want them to know there's anything wrong. Is there anything wrong? It was just fun right? It still hurts like hell. I looked in the mirror, I saw the cuts on m bum. I wanted to heal them with my magic but Killian said that that was part of the fun. Sitting down isn't fun.

_I was right about one thing..._

I skipped another couple of pages, glancing at Regina to find her engrossed in the words with me. There wasn't a title to this one.

Progress. I understand now. Progress to get stronger. It hurts so damn much, I think he's taking it too far. I wanted to research it but he keeps taking my phone, saying I should be interested in him only when we're at home. I mean, he's right isn't he? I should have my attention focused on him...

"Bullshit." Regina's voice, not mind. I nodded with her, then skipped a couple more pages. Another entry without a title.

It hurts so damn much. I keep trying to keep it from people. I hope Henry doesn't notice when he comes over, or Dad when I'm at the station, or Belle or Ruby when I get to see them, though that's not very much anymore. It's making me not want to have sex with him, but he seems so happy and I just want to keep him happy...

I felt bile beginning to grow inside of me. Regina took the book and sat with it on the settee, motioning for me to sit with her. She had skipped to page title 'Magic'.

I can't do it anymore. I worked hard to get my magic but I can't produce it anymore. I feel weak all of the time, like I'm breaking. Hook says that's how it is before you get stronger. I looked at myself in the mirror and barely recognised myself. My face is the same as it's always been but the person behind it has changed. I'm not me but I can't tell anyone...

Neither of us wanted to read anymore. Regina skipped through to see if there was anything else they ought to know immediately before handing it over to an officer who would gather evidence and read through it with an objective eye. I thought there was nothing left but Regina stopped near the end of the book. I looked over her shoulder at it, almost afraid of what I might find, using her as the barrier against the physically harmless words writtten in my daughter's writing. It was titled 'Regina'. It was a short entry.

I saw her today. I've been trying to avoid her... It's been difficult, I miss her. But I can't let my emotions get in the way. I'm married now. It doesn't matter that I'm in love with her. She doesn't want me, or I don't think so and I can't end a marriage over what I think. Besides... I'd be shunned from Storybrooke if I tried to get a divorce and probably beaten to death by Hook for trying to leave him.

Then the pieces fell together. I shifted to the end of the settee and looked over at Regina. "You knew, didn't you?" She stared ahead, blankly.

"Not about this. I knew she liked me... we..." She looked down into her hands. I understood much more now than I had in weeks. Regina and Emma.

"We found the motive." Regina nodded, a tear escaping from her eye.

"I suspected. We suspected. But she..." Regina got up, walking over to the door. "I need to be alone." She said before vanishing. I put the book down next to me and buried my head in my hands.  _I should have known..._


	20. Crashing Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I wanted to finish this by the end of summer? :') Ah, I do like to play myself. I hope you enjoy this one, it's gonna be an emotional ride!

**Regina's point of view.**

I pace my office. I walk around it for hours. My heels slip heavily into the carpet. I've walked over the carpet that much that I should've worn it down by now. But like the spongy bullshit that continues to throw karma in my face, it repents. I doubt anyone will look for me and if they do, they'll go to my vault. I can always transport myself elsewhere if need be. Sinking to the floor, I bring my knees to my chest, drop my head on them. I'm reminded of what happened the last time I crumbled in the same spot... But there won't be a blonde beauty on the other side of the door to save me this time. I run over the list of predicaments in my head once again.

_David knows._

I have no clue whether Emma had ever discussed her orientation with anyone, her parents seemed much less likely. Surely if she had, she would've told me and we could be lying happily in bed together at this moment... Then again, she could've been worried about my reaction. Damn my masks, I should've shown her how I felt. If she wakes up... I wipe a tear away. If she wakes up would Snow and David keep her away from me? They don't strike me as the sort of people who would agree with this lifestyle.

_He used me to hurt her._

At this thought I break down completely, clamping a hand over my mouth in attempt to silence the sobs of my heartbreak. Though I know the fault is solely on Hook, I can't help but feel I'm also to blame. I did my best to stay out of the way, let them get on with their marriage...their lives. How long had he been using me to get to her? Is that why she was avoiding me? Was she high when she had sex with me? Surely she wouldn't risk being hurt for me... Was it all some sort of fantasy I conjured up? I cry some more. The notes in the journal were brief yet detailed enough. I know she hid her thoughts about me in the back of it, because she didn't want Hook to find out if he ever found it. But he knew all along, he must have.

_Emma still isn't awake._

I want nothing more than to hold her in my arms, brush her hair out of her eyes, fight the monsters away and keep her safe. I want to tell her that there are so many people who love her. So many people who care about her. I am one of many. I love her beyond what words can say and this is exactly the sort of scenario that would force me to admit it to her. What he told her, no one loves her, is a lie. She will never be in danger from him again. I will make sure of that. 

With a ferocity stronger than it has been in years, the Evil Queen's dark blood once again flows through my veins. A plan conjuring in my mind as I plan how to punish the man who temporarily destroyed the life of the woman I love. Before I can stop myself, purple smoke lathers my body and I'm going to places I probably shouldn't be.

 

**David's point of view.**

I break speed limits driving myself to the hospital. I don't care. I need to see Emma and Snow. I'm pissed. I can't take the fact that Emma couldn't come to me - to us, with any of this. I'm her Dad. She should always be able to come to me.

I'm furious with Regina. But then I'm not. I understand it. She's grieving in her own way, she obviously didn't know this was happening... Or did she? Emma obviously has a massive crush on her. What if she confided in her and she pushed her away? What if she told that bastard and they set this whole thing up together? What if she was just running away from her punishment when she ran away earlier? Fucking coward.

My expression softened slightly.  _What if she's innocent?_

I can't think properly. My vision seems to have clouded over by the time I pull into the hospital lot. I'm surprised I get out of the car safely without having crashed it. My thoughts are just all over the place. Emma and Regina. I thought she was straight. Does it bother me that she's not?

Maybe...

 

**Belle's point of view.**

I saw her coming from across the street, hoping beyond words that she wouldn't be coming into the store. Ruby keeps telling me to trust her, but it's hard to trust someone who locked you away for almost three decades. I glance towards the back door where Rumple had just left to take Henry to the diner and talk to him after I asked him to step up as a Grandfather. I keep telling myself to be brave.

As the bell rings overhead I lift my chin, feigning confidence to match hers. She strides quickly towards me, an expression I know far too well inching ever closer. I worry my bottom lip between my teeth before I remember I'm trying to be brave. 

"Regina, what can I do for you?" Her stony glare sets me on edge. I stand with my back straight, ready to fight if need be. Instead of the attack I'm expecting though, her eyes roam around the room before landing on a box.

"Where's Gold? I need to speak with him." She states, eyes never moving from the box.

"He's gone out for a bit, should be back soon. Is something wrong?" Her eyes snapped back up to me. Once again I'm expecting to be attacked and like last time, I'm hit with the realisation that that isn't what she's come here to do. Her eyes seem wary and I notice the slight redness around her eyes. Has she been...crying?

"Then do you have a chair that I can sit down on to wait for him to come back?" Her tone was sharp but she wasn't going to fool me any longer. Out of sympathy, I brought a chair out from the back room and set it to the side of the room. She did as she said she would, closing her eyes in a meditative state. 

 

**Snow's point of view.**

David has his arms around me within seconds of seeing me. He has a book in his hand, one I choose to ignore until he releases me. The look on his face has me worried. 

"David, what's wrong?" I ask calmly though my heart constricts loudly in my chest. I do a quick scan of everyone's whereabouts. Emma's still unconscious, Henry is with Belle which means she's with Henry, Regina is... Oh God! "Is it Regina? Did something happen?"

"Something happened but as far as I'm aware, she's unharmed. We found this," he held up the book but wouldn't let me take it when I reached for it. I frowned.

"It's not nice to tease, especially when we're in this situation!" I wave my hand towards Emma's door.

"I can't let you read it, it's..." He sighed, dropping his chin to his chest. "It says a lot. But one of the most of shocking is that Emma had a crush on Regina... It seems that Hook found out or she had confessed it to him for some reason and he was using that as leverage to...to..." He glance at Emma's door, but I understood what he was saying before that.

"I see... So where's Regina?" I ask out of curiosity, though I expect that if this is news to her as well she will need to handle it in her own way. David's jaw dropped open, he gawked for a moment before giving me a hard stare.

"Do you not care about anything I've told you?"

I fumble for thoughts, "What's there to care about? It's a stupid excuse for motivation which put our daughter in hospital. Nothing has been solved, Hook hasn't been punished...I fail to see where I should be worrying about anything other than the people around us and since we know where everyone else is--"

"Snow, Emma fancies Regina. Our arch nemesis, a brutal woman...just a woman!" He sighed with frustration, banging his head on the wall while I process what he's telling me.

"Have you got a problem with our daughter...liking, another woman? Don't tell me it's because she used to be a villain David we both know you would have never gone to look for Henry with her if you believed that." I try to keep my tone unclipped but realisation dawns on me with every passing second.

"I don't know..."

"I wonder why she didn't want to tell us about this crush. I wonder if she was worried we would turn away from her for being in...love." David shot me a look. "Okay, love is a strong word but you get the point. This whole thing might have been avoided if she felt like she could come to us! Your words and actions are proving that she was right to stay in the dark!" I turn away from him, my fury taking over. We spend a few moments in silence as I think over the times we've spent time with our gay friends. Was he ever mean, rude? Did Emma pick up on it? Had she liked women for a long time and chose not to say anything because she thought we would turn away from her?

"I'm sorry."

I turn around to face him.

"You're right. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it... I think it was just a shock." His gaze fell to the floor. "You're right about something else. Hook told her we wouldn't love her if she confessed her feelings to us..."

"He what?"

David simply nodded. I've always been told I don't have a bad bone in my body, but I can't wait to take my hand against Hook and do the things I wanted to do to Regina all those years ago.

We both mulled over our thoughts for a little while before he spoke again. "Look, we don't know when Emma is going to wake up but it probably won't be soon... We should go and find Regina, see if we can help her in any way," he suggests.

I think it over then nod. We shouldn't be too long. I quietly grab my coat from the chair in Emma's room and put my purse in her hospital safe. She looks a little better at the moment, I have more hope. I kiss her forehead, whispering my love in her ear no matter what, then close the door silently on my way out.  

 

**Emma's point of view.**

My eyes open slowly. I'm squinting at first, unaware of my surroundings. A harsh light pierces my senses, making my vision hard to focus. When I can see I look around. A panic begins, my breathing speeding up ever so slightly. I remember being told I would be in trouble if anyone found out. I would be hurt. My injuries would be worse than they have ever been. 

I notice various objects, not my own. Hospital equipment was stuck to my body, making sounds that made no sense. The beeping was getting quicker as my chest rose and fell to match it. A sharp pain intruding the calm I was sure was there only moments ago. Directly under my left breast and surging upwards slightly. I place a hand over it, then reconsider. _I'll be damned if I start groping myself for no reason for just anyone to walk in._

I wonder where everyone went? I look down, tears glistening my eyes. I wonder if anyone was here in the first place. Glancing around once more I notice no personal items that could be attributed to my parents, Henry, Hook, my friends...or Regina. The tears were thick and heavy, drooping from my chin onto the hospital gown around my chest. Nobody cares. He was right. He was always right.

I can't remember what got me here. I don't know what happened, or why the physical pain seems to be dulled more than it usually is. I remember arguing with Regina...then... Oh god. That's why she's not here! I kissed her and it must have ended badly, she must have pushed me away and--

My thoughts were put to a halt when two women in blue uniforms rushed in to my room. I have no chance to protest since my breathing won't calm and my panic seems to be getting worse. One of the nurses sits in front of me, she takes my hands into hers and tells me to look at her whilst the other one raises my bed and gently leans me forward to start rubbing circles on my back. There's nothing to worry about she says. I want to scream at her.

_Of course there's something to worry about! I'm here! I don't know what's going on or what will happen to me when he finds out!_

My thoughts take over. I can't hear what the nurse is saying. I start to feel dizzy and my chest burns. Without notice I feel a sharp pain in my arm... Then the world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to OrangeSmurfette (hoping I remembered the name correctly) for the idea of how to punish Hook. I hope I do you justice. Let me know if you liked the change of pace in this chapter guys, I couldn't think of another way to write it but I did enjoy writing it this way too!


	21. Making Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Sorry I've taken so long to update, I'm in my final year of university, for those of you who've been there and done that, you'll know the difficulty of wiritng a dissertation. As it stands, I don't really plan to update much after Christmas. My dissertation will be handed in on the 12th April, I plan to have 2 weeks worth of proofreading beforehand as well, so I will probably come back to this propoerly around then. I will do my best to keep updating but I just don't know right now. I promise I'm not giving up on this though, there is still much more to be said.   
> For those of you who've stuck with me over the past year, thank you. You're my inspiration and one of the main reasons I continue to work on this. For those of you who are new, or started reading later into the development of this, I hope I keep you're interest piqued and you enjoy the way it's all going.   
> Last chapter I experimented a little with writing from different character's pov. I wasn't really sure about it but I think it changed the way the story flowed and I liked that so I'm going to keep up with it for now as it seems like the right way forward. Let me know if you have any ideas or thoughts on the way you would like the story to go , (not promising they will be included though).  
> Enjoy!

**Rumplestiltskin's point of view.**

 

Regina stands as I walk through the door. I'm surprised. Regina doesn't tend to just drop by. I look around for Belle and find her safe behind the counter. She seems unnerved. I wonder whether it's because Regina has done anything recently or if it's because of their past. 

'Regina, what a lovely surprise," I drawl in half menacing tone. I'm still unsure of the meaning behind her presence.

It's then that I remember Henry is behind me. He stalls and bows his head upon seeing his mother, hoping she won't see the damage to his eye and head. He's unlucky.

"Henry!" She stalks over to him. Her hands find the sides of his head and brings his face to meet hers. "What on Earth happened to you?"

"Nothing. I was being stupid," his replied. I watched the interaction closely, mentally noting down the way he treats his mother. He still seems to be angry, and he isn't treating Regina with respect. He roughly pulls his head away from her grasp to hide his injuries from her. I think we will have more of these meetings, maybe he can learn to be a better person when he's angry from someone who was the worst person when angry.

"Alright, Henry. I think you should go and help tidy the back room, it seems your mother is here for other reasons..." I eye her sceptically, though she wouldn't know it.

Regina watches her son stalk away. The ordeal only seems to have soured her mood further.

"Gold. We should talk somewhere private." She begins to walk towards the shop door.

"Now hold on Dearie, what's all this about?" 

Regina turns to glare at me. My hands twitch in anticepation. I can see she isn't angry with me, but there's a niggling feeling teasing the magic running through my body that tells me someone is going to die today. I grin, back to the good old days I see.

"Alright Dearie--"

"Rumple, you're not going to do anything..." Belle struggled with her sentence. Knowing what she's implying, I turn to her. She has a feared look etched across her features. I know she wants me to grow a good and honest heart, and I have tried over and over again. I will not tarnish my hard work... but that's not to say that Regina and I can't brainstorm ideas.

"Don't worry sweet one." We're standing in front of each other now. My hands caress her cheeks as she looks up at me through her lashes. Her hands find my waist. I kiss her. It's short and sweet. "I won't be returning to the darkness."

I watch the thought process through her eyes. I can't expect her to trust me after our history, she probably is thinking the same things. After a moment she looks up at me and nods. She kisses me on the cheek then goes through to our son. I smile at the scene. They are beautiful. 

Regina coughs behind me and I avoid sarcasm as I turn towards her. She walks off, I follow her slowly.

 

**Snow's point of view.**

I don't know how to feel about David's reactiong to Emma and Regina. I thought I had sorted it at the hospital, but the more I think about it, the more I think about how closed minded David was. It seemed like he had barely thought about it before deciding that it was wrong for them to be together. Why? Why did he come to that conclusion? 

"You okay?" David's voice interrupts my thoughts from seat beside me. He's driving to Regina's vault. We figured that Regina would want to be alone if she was trying to process things. Emma's diary is sitting in the back seat. I'm itching to get my fingers on it. Itching to find out just how badly the evidence there will punish Hook. 

"Fine." I don't know how to communicate with him. I just can't right now.

I glance back at the diary. David notices. He gives me a knowing look. "You want to read it, don't you?"

"Yes," I reply faster than neccessary. David looks away from me. The fury of everything seems to bubble up in that one action. I feel it rise and fill me until I can't keep it in anymore. 

"You can't keep this from me David! It's not just you who's upset about this. I'm not some dumb little girl who needs to be protected! Stop pretending you're the only one who can fix this!" I'm practically screaming at him.

I feel the car slow to a halt. The engine cuts out and David looks at me. He stares at me for a long moment with a look I can't decipher. The tension is thick, our shallow breaths fill the silence that words will not. I don't regret my outburst, I keep my emotions in check and stare angrily back at him. A moment later he reaches back for the diary and calmly hands it to me. 

It's almost mechanical the way he turns back to the steering wheel, starts the engine and drives off. I don't know how to feel. We've argued before, of course we have, all couples do... But he's never reacted like this before. I let out a shaky breath, knowing I've hurt him more than I intended. 

"David..."

"Don't, Mary Margaret. Just read what you want then put it in the glove compartment. If we find Regina, I don't want her to see it. She doesn't need to read it again." He didn't even glance at me. I turn away with tears in my eyes for two reasons. The first is that I didn't mean to cause this. The second is what I wonder what Hook would've done to Emma in this scenario and my heart breaks all over again. I close my eyes. The diary remains in my hand on my lap.

 

**Regina's point of view.**

We arrive at my vault in less time than anticepated. It's the only place I can think of that's private. Gold is a few paces behind me as I walk towards it. Instead of going in however, I decide to sit on the bench nearby. Gold sits next to me.

"Is this about Emma?" he asks.

I nod slightly, trying to divert the brimming emotions elsewhere until I have privacy again.

"I see... I can't say I know much about her condition or what I can do about. I've only heard passing comments here and there. Tinkerbell seems to think she was hit by a truck. You've all done well to keep it in the family." 

I look at him with a confused expression. The truck stroy is just a rumour, but keeping it in the family? Belle knows everything, as does Ruby. Did she not tell Gold about this? 

"I know that look...what does that mean?" I look away and mumble nothing but he sees right past me. "Regina." I sigh.

"Emma wasn't hit by a truck. Her husband was abusing her..." I stop, not wanting to invade Emma's privacy any further but also not wanting to relive the memories of reading what exactly the person I love has been through.

Gold leaned back, crossing his left leg over his right. "He always was a crocodile." We sit for a few moments in silence. It's calm out here. Nature seems to avoid the graveyard so there is only the sound of our breathing and the cool wind. It's a good place to think. "What did you want me to do with him?" Gold asks after a moment.

"I want him gone. But not dead. I want him locked away where he can't get out. And while he's wherever he is, I want him to experience the pain and suffering he has caused Emma."

Gold nods. "Now?" 

I look towards the floor, wondering where all of my confidence went. "No. I want to see what Emma wants too. She might want to see him or...something when she's well enough...if she's ever well enough..." My eyes are still on the floor.

"Must be bad if even you are unsure whether she'll be okay." It was a statement. I nod again, words absent in my brain and mouth. "I'll go back to the shop and see what I can whip up." 

I look towards him. "Thank you. Whatever you do, I want to be there when you do it." He looked at me with a serious expression, before agreeing and walking away.

I stay sat. Just a few more moments where I can let my mind wonder and pretend that everything is okay.

"Regina?" My head whips round towards the high pitched voice behind me. Snow and David are standing relatively far apart from each other. I turn back around, knowing that if it was something to do with Emma, we would already be at the hospital.

The crunching of their footsteps colliding with the ground gets louder as they approach.

"We heard what you asked Gold to do--"

"And now you're here to stop me." I look up at her. "Don't bother Snow. It's done, it's already in motion. I'm sick of feeling useless in this whole mess and now at least we don't have to worry about him hurting anyone again." I wipe angrily at the tear smudging my make up.

"We don't want to stop you," David said. He sat beside me. "We just want to be there when it all happens." He looked serious, as though it were something he genuinely meant. I glanced towards Snow who wore a similar expression. Finally a sense of relief passes through me. There's almost no chance of anyone stopping this from happening. The only person who can stop it is the person who should get to decide whether it happens in the first place. I smile briefly then stare out at nothing again. 

Snow's phone rings, she takes a few steps away to take the call. I notice something is sticking out of the pocket of her oversised coat. Panic washed over me as I realise it's the diary Emma wrote in, and more so what she had written about me. I look towards David who seemed to have noticed everything.

"Do you make her happy?" 

How the hell am I supposed to answer that? We were together once and it was breif and painful for me when she walked off. It was even more painful when I realized why.

"I don't know." 

He nodded. "At least you're honest about it."

"David, Regina, we have to go. The hospital called," she ran back to the car as she was saying it. I grabbed both of their arms, not wanting to waste any time and transported them to the hospital, leaving a cloud of purple to dissipate in the graveyard.


End file.
